Page 19 of Fallen Stars

Not in the way I want him to be.

My heart tells me to quit being pessimistic. My soul weeps then smiles and says to hold on to hope a little longer. But my mind… he’s a fickle bastard as he says it’s time to let go of fantastical dreams.

A hand on my shoulder startles me and I jump.

“Sorry.” Kirsten pulls her hand away. “You zoned out for a bit. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Shit. How long have I been standing here? Thank goodness I don’t need to return a card or change to the customers.

I close out the order, stow the cash in the till and tip in my apron, then shut the drawer. I take a deep breath and blink away my incessant thoughts about Levi and the fact I haven’t heard from him in almost a week.

Everything’s fine. He’s bogged down at work. He told you as much on Sunday.

“You are okay. Right?” Kirsten shifts until she fills my vision, a heavy dose of concern written in the lines of her face.

I hate lying to people, especially family and friends. But the occasional sprinkle of fiction to appease their hearts and avoid conversations I don’t want to have is best for us all.

The lump I’ve felt for days in my throat swells as saliva pools in my mouth. My brows tug together as the backs of my eyes sting. It all happens so fast. And on the next breath, I shove it all away. I meet Kirsten’s waiting gaze and force myself to smile as I nod.

“Yeah. Of course.” I move past her to grab a cleaning rag from the bleach water bin. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Before she’s able to answer, I exit the server alley and dart to the vacant table in my section.

But Kirsten is not easily deterred. On my heels, she weaves between tables and across the dining room. Every other table, she pauses to ask patrons how their breakfast tastes or if they need anything. The regulars love her. Most of them come in for the company over the food, though both are excellent.

Sidling up to me, I feel her curious stare on my profile as I stack dishes and wipe down the table. While I work, I keep mygaze fixed on what I’m doing. The last thing I want is to see her pity.

“Talk to me,” she whispers softly to avoid catching the attention of the gossipmongers. “You haven’t been yourself for days.” She grabs one of the two stacks of dishes. “It’s okay to be sad or upset or angry.” The light weight of her hand rests on my shoulder. “It’s also okay to let others in. Give us some of that weight to carry.”

Kirsten makes it sound as though I’m imprisoned in a dark cave with no escape. I love her for wanting to help. I love her for not giving up. And I love that she doesn’t mention Levi once.

With this, though, there isn’t much to unload. There isn’t much to share unless you count my irrational, relentless thoughts and feelings.

So what if I am upset about Levi’s parents constantly thrusting him toward wealthy young women in town. Me telling Kirsten, Skylar, or Delilah won’t make it any better. Telling them won’t make it stop. What is the point of complaining? It will only make it hurt more.

Tossing the rag on top of the other stack of dishes, I scoop it up from the table and head for the kitchen. “Everything’s fine, K. I swear.” I push through the door, hold it open for her to pass, and then follow her to the dirty dishes rack by the dishwasher. “Things have just felt… off.” I shrug.

“Is it Levi?”

My eyes dart to Maxine—Max to those close to her—the lead cook at Poke the Yolk. In the zone at the stove, she pays neither of us any attention.

I gnash my molars for one, two breaths before I relax my jaw. “IswhatLevi?”

Kirsten’s eyes widen as she lifts her hands in surrender and takes a step back. “Just trying to help.”

A sigh leaves my lips as frustration bubbles in my chest. “Sorry.” I hang my head. “Sleep has been shit.”

An arm slips around my shoulders and Kirsten hugs me to her side. “Chin up, Ollie.” She shakes my frame. “Nothing a little caffeine and chocolate chip pancakes can’t cure.”

At the mention of pancakes, Max peers over her shoulder. “CCPs for Ollie. Check.”

I laugh.

A minute ago—hell, ten seconds ago—Max paid us zero attention. One mention of food… bam! She hears every word.

“Thanks, Max.”

She tosses me a wink. “Sure thing.”

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