Page 108 of Chaos

Shane tips his head to the side, a lock of hair burnished to dark bronze, slips over one eye. “We’re reenacting the warehouse scene?”

This is suddenly so embarrassing. Why did I choose a scene where they kiss? “We don’t have to.”

“I want to. I’m playing Cyrus?” He stares down at the script. “This is the weirdest but coolest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

“Your line is first.” My voice comes out in a croak.

“Watermelon wine is terrible.” He reads with a sideways smile.

“Free calories,” I say as Monroe, feeling deeply stupid. Like down-in-my-bones idiotic to the point of mortality.

The candle between us lights it up so the page is almost glowing.

Shane clears his throat. “Do you … uh … want to take first sleep shift?”

The next line is mine. “Not yet.” I know the words without reading, but I stare down at the page anyway. “I just wanted to say …” In the show, she’s planning to leave him in the morning because she’s pretty sure she’ll get him killed if she stays. Monroe never likes to admit to caring about anyone, but makes an exception just once. And I can relate because this time with Shane isn’t meant to last.

Even though I’m dying with embarrassment, I keep reading my line, “‘I want you to know, I think you’re the best person I’ve maybe ever known.’”

I couldn’t remember the scene verbatim, this was the gist of it. “You’ve been through so much. I don’t think if I had survived what you had, your cousin trying to kill you … I don’t think I’d be kind at all. But you are.”

“You would be.” Shane looks up at me, those blazing blue eyes. “I’ve seen you when you think no one is looking.”Those are Cyrus’s words. I wrote them, but they sound like Shane’s. He looks down at his script. “It says we lean over the candles and kiss now.”

“You don’t have to.” It comes out squeaky and way weaker than intended.

“It’s written down. The written word is a powerful thing. Can’t mess with a powerful thing. Can you?”

I shake my head stupidly.

He carefully lifts the candles between us one by one and sets them aside. “I’m a little worried your hair might catch on fire if we lean over the candles though. Can’t have that.”

Suddenly I feel more nervous than I’ve felt in my entire life. My eyes burn, and my hands are sweaty, and I’m breathing too fast. “I didn’t … think this through. We don’t have to—”

“Hey.” He takes my hand, oh so gently, and rests it in his broken one, the fingers of his other hand stroking over mine the way I did when I traced his scars. He’s so much warmer than I am.

“Do you want to kiss me, Ephie?”

I’m not sure it’s possible for my cheeks to get any redder, but my stomach convulses, and if he weren’t holding my hand, I’d run.

He wets his lips, scooting closer to me. “I want to kiss you. I’ve wanted to for a while.”

“Really?” I ask, because it’s honestly hard to understand. The only thing that actually makes sense is that he’s doing this to get close to me so I’ll tell him Ben’s secrets. And … I don’t think I’ll be able to stand it if that’s the only reason. So I stare down at my hands. I have to know.

Does he really like me?

Or is this all a trick?

“I don’t know where the pigeons go, but they came to us from some guy in a truck …” A tear rolls down my nose and falls onto my knee. “But I’m pretty sure they go to Charleston, because Renata got really mad about it. That was their biggest fight. They screamed so loud I could hear it through the walls. She kept saying she wouldn’t allow it because of Charlotte Rose, and he was making a mistake.” I try to think about every other possible thing I know. “Also, Ben was playing middleman, getting guns from the Butcher to the Raiders, and Renata didn’t like that either. And …” This is the one that will hurt him most. “Lavinia Hope is looking for Yorke. That’s everything I know.”

“I have to tell Yorke.”

“I know.” I brace myself for him to stand up and leave.

His hands are still curled around mine, but he takes his hurt one, the stiff, scarred fingers, and trails his thumb under my traitorous eye that squeezed out that stupid tear. “You ready for this kiss?”

“You’re not going to race off and tell him now?”

“I’m not about to interrupt him and Frankie right now.”

---