Page 13 of There's No Place Like Oz

This was probably built by those munchkins. Such awful little things.

Though in the rare instance I did get to take a break long enough to look around, Oz was quite beautiful. It was similar to the world I was used to, yet completely different and fantastic at the same time. The fern trees that were speckled sporadically in the horizon were bright and billowing, wafting in the soft breeze like they were waving hello to passersby. To the West I could see mountains that were dark and foreboding, complete with black thunderclouds lighting up the sky. To the South, there was the distant illusion of sand dunes and cacti. To the east was the tropical ghetto of the munchkins, and to the North, it was flat enough that I couldn’t make out any obvious landmarks. At this distance, I could only see the tallest and most prominent features, but it was enough to make Oz appear a rather diverse and interesting place.

I inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of flowers and fresh air around me. Far removed from the smell of the city, and far removed from the smell of the farm. In this moment of calm, I felt like I could finally find my bearings. Oz had been overwhelming since the moment I’d arrived, and I’d been bombarded with so much stimuli, I hadn’t gotten to truly appreciate my predicament.

This seemed to be some sort of fantasy world, and apparently it existed on the other side of a cyclone. I didn’tthinkI was dead, but I could never say for sure. Though I would assume that pain and death wouldn’t be a thing here if it was an actual form of the underworld, and Crowe had mentioned he was immortal. I’d like to argue that this wasn’t really happening in some delusional yet logical way, but there’s a point in life where you just have to stare at your reality, no matter how horrifying it may be, and accept that this is your mountain to climb or fall off of. To say it was any worse than a movie set was a stretch anyway. I could roll with these kinds of punches. I’ve pretended to be a warrior princess before, after all.

This is real, and I’m going to survive. I said to myself in silent affirmation. My therapist had told me I could manifest whatever I wanted for myself so long as I believed it. I was still working on the genuineness of those beliefs, but it couldn’t hurt to try chanting them. I was a “sorceress” now, after all.

Maybe if the munchkins kept calling me that, that would become true one day, too.

Head up and eyes forward, I trained my gaze on the road ahead. What should I expect of the Emerald City? I couldn’t begin to imagine. Would this Wizard of Oz be a normal sized person like Tobias and Crowe? Would the city be full of more of these munchkin types? Did country munchkins and city munchkins have very different cultures like we did in the States? I had so many questions, yet I knew neither of my companions could answer them. We were all at least a little in the dark in this place. Though Crowe was a local, I didn’t know that he got to explore anything other than the Wicked Witch’s vagina, and Tobias was about as lost as I was.

I glanced between them. Tobias walked beside me, his eyes always scanning the horizon for potential enemies, while Crowe took several steps ahead, unbothered by anything that might go on behind him. I couldn’t help but notice the way Tobias would occasionally stare at our new party member but not saying anything. I knew he was withholding his opinion for my sake, but it was still a bit comical to see the way words would bubble up, he’d prepare himself to voice them, then he’d frown and shake his head and say nothing. Tobias was really expressive in his face and in his general mannerisms. He seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve, and I already liked that about this human version of him.

I felt like I’d picked up an entourage. My personal bodyguards. I smiled to myself, trying not to focus on the fact that one of them was magically animated zombie with evil black eyes and that the other was technically my toy puppy. If you ignored that though…

Right, great to have some companions who I liked and trusted anyway.

I continued walking and walking, listening to nothing but the sound of rustling leaves, gentle breezes, and my silver shoes tapping on the brick. It was peaceful and calm, really. Like going on a nice hike through a new place, enjoying the unusual view of ferns and mountains and blue skies. I’d been dealing with a lot of tension in my day to day life, and this was a welcome comfort despite the circumstances. A bizarre way for the universe to give me what I needed, but I could still appreciate the effort.

We continued on for hours, engaging in little more than small talk and observations as we went.

“How far is this Emerald City exactly?” I asked Crowe up ahead.

“Far.” Crowe said with a shrug. “I’m not sure how far, since I’ve never been, but from what I understand, it takes days on a broom. Potentially weeks on foot.”

“Weeks?” I frowned at the ground. My stomach rumbled as if to remind me of my missed breakfast. “Is there any way to get food for these weeks? Any plants that are edible or streams with some trout? I know how to fish. I don’t like hunting, but if I had to, I could do that too. My uncle taught me to dress a deer as a kid, and I’m good at cooking. I’m just going to needsomethingto eat here.”

“Eat?” Crowe stared at me, and his eyes blinked rapidly. ”I miss eating.” He added with a sense of nostalgia. “If you want, we could probably roast some munchkins. I’m not sure how they compare to a deer, and I personally find them a bit stringy, but they’ll get the job done. Might be the only job they can get done, really.”

My whole stomach lurched at the mere suggestion. If my face had turned green, I wouldn’t have been terribly surprised. “No, I think I’m good on that.”

“Hmmm, suit yourself.” Crowe shrugged, ever so nonchalantly. Maybe he really was missing his humanity. Though how you remove such a thing from a person, I couldn’t begin to guess, but there were very few things in Oz that were matching with my general expectations. Considering I’d watched him saw off his own head a couple hours ago, that was hardly farfetched. “So is eating something youhaveto do? Or is that more like a preference?” He tilted his head to the side inquisitively.

“More like I’ll die if I don’t.” I scrunched my nose. “Weren’t you ever human? I’m not sure I’m understanding what you Oz people are at this point.”

“I believe so, but I don’t recall much about it.” Crowe looked up at the sky in pondering. “When Hildy lobotomized me, I lost some memories along the way. I can tell you what her pussy tastes like, but I’d be hard pressed to tell you anything else I’ve done prior to being strung up on that post.”

“I see.” I frowned at that. This Witch truly did sound rather wicked. Maybe not the most heinous person I’veeverencountered, but certainly in the top ten… maybe top twenty, actually. I could think of ten slime balls too awful to be outranked.

We continued to walk, and my stomach continued to rumble. I glanced at the plants beside the path, hoping one of them might have some sort of fruit or berry, but despite the lushness of the foliage, there wasn’t anything that appeared to be edible.

Tobias kept his eyes forward. I assumed he would need food soon too, but I didn’t know much about his new body yet. Since this was Oz and all, he could be more like the scarecrow than a regular man for all I knew. He’d eaten both of our breakfasts, though, so at the very least, he’d probably sustain himself longer than I would today.

We walked on and on and on, until my legs grew tired, and the sun was starting to dip down over the horizon. “How about sleep. Do you need sleep?” I caught up to Crowe again, who seemed terribly unbothered by the distance we’d walked.

Crowe’s mouth flattened in a line. His demonic eyes looked somehow less threatening when paired with such an awkward expression. “You have to sleep, too?”

“I’m sorry to be such an inconvenience.” I shook my head, not atallsorry to be such an inconvenience.

“I didn’t mean it like that, sweet girl.” Crowe frowned, as though he was capable of emotion. “I meant it more to say there are some terrifying creatures in these woods, and I can’t see how you’ll safely fall unconscious for hour after hour after hour while the land is veiled by darkness. Such vulnerability is a death wish.”

“It’s a good thing I travel with a scarecrow who doesn’t need sleep who promised to protect me then, eh?” I smiled sweetly. I’d seen enough of his fighting ability to be pretty confident we’d be fine, though I had little concept of what might even lurk in woods like these.

“I suppose it is.” Crowe pursed his lips, then we fell back into silence. We kept walking a few more yards, when Crowe at last turned to Toto, looking rather distraught. “Do you sleep too?”

“Yes.” Tobias said with exasperation.

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