Page 32 of After Effect

“It really is. But anyway, by about the eighth month of nothing, I got a phone call. That one, magic phone call that every artist in every discipline dreams of from the day they were born… I basically threw my desktop in the garbage that day.” More chuckles from the crowd. “In all seriousness, Watching Broken Clocks is the idea that, sometimes the reason we’re not getting the results we want is that we’re simply looking to the wrong source. When the reality is, the world we want is right there, right behind that clock that keeps showing us so much hopelessness, waiting for us to notice.”

That was… We hadn’t rehearsed anything like that. It was a completely candid response. She hadn’t even told me that’s what the album title meant.

It was the kind of genuine, heartfelt answer that couldn’t have been coached into her if I tried.

Lilly finished out a couple more songs and a couple more interview questions, then she queued up for the finale. So far so good. Just one more. Bring it home.

She locked eyes with me as she began. “What I’m supposed to do next is sing you all the last song the album. It’s a good one. A fun, upbeat, banging good time. But if I did that, I’d be taking away all the mystery of how it ends.”

‘What I’m supposed to do?’ This doesn’t sound good. A sick feeling settled in my gut. What are you doing, Lilly?

She continued. “Instead, I’m going to give you a little preview into something that I hope will bring us into the next chapter. This is a song my own manager hasn’t even heard yet.”

Whoa whoa whoa, WHAT ARE YOU DOING LILLY?!

“I call this little ditty, See Me.” The lights dimmed as Lilly retrieved a guitar and a stool from the back of the stage. She placed it in the spot light. She sat down. And without a single person in the entire production crew on board, not a single, fucking soul in this room knowing what the hell she was going to do next, she started to play.

Lilly wasn’t an accomplished guitarist, but she had no issue playing a simple, acoustic melody. It was gentle and exactly enough to enhance her voice as she began to sing.

~Far away~ She closed her eyes and smiled. ~Always hiding the things we need to say~

~If I could say it, I know we’d find a way

But I can’t get enough of this game we play~

Her words were hitting me in the pit of my chest. Her eyes met mine again, as though she was speaking to me directly. I swallowed, though I couldn’t say if it was due to the lyrics or my nerves.

~So if my silence means I can stay

I’ll keep hiding and lying to youuu~

She went onto an extended rhythm session. It was good. Catchy. Relatable. A perfect single. The audience danced like puppets under the control of her guitar strings.

Still, it was completely out of line. She could have told me about this. I’m supposed to be able to trust her, and she just goes rogue on me whenever the fuck she wants? What if they had hated it? What if it wasn’t any good? What if we never got another chance because she couldn’t stick to the goddamn script?

The lights went black on the last strum, and she ducked off stage to a clamor of applause.

The people loved it, but that’s not the point. The point was that this is a partnership, and she just completely blindsided me. I was livid. I pushed past the body guards and ran to Lilly’s dressing room. There was no light shining from beneath the door, but I don’t know where else she could have gone.

I checked the handle anyway. It wasn’t locked.

“Lilly?”

A pair of hands grabbed me by the tie in the pitch black darkness, yanking me into the room and letting the door fall closed behind me. A sudden rush of air was replaced with the hot sensation of Lilly’s lips pressing hard against mine.

I pulled away on instinct. “What are you-“ I couldn’t finish my sentence before my back hit the door, and she had my mouth in her possession again. My protest was an open invite for her tongue, sliding slowly over mine, until she had it pinned to the bottom of my mouth. Her entire body was pressed against me, bombarding my core with her heat, nudging my knees apart with hers. I didn’t realize I had been gripping her shoulders, until she shrugged off my hands and forced them against the wall. Her kisses grew more eager. I was falling into her rhythm. I nibbled at her lip. She pressed against me harder. I tangled my tongue in hers, and she claimed it in her mouth, sucking and caressing every inch of that wet flesh.

My body moved on its own, accepting her with an insatiable need. My mind was too clouded to think. Her taste, too enticing to reject. The intensity of my anger crossed that paper thin line into the intensity of my lust, and the pulses of lightning coursing through my body wouldn’t surrender.

Then she pulled away, just slightly. My hands were still pinned beside my head. Her eyes were closed gently, while her breathing was rough and ragged. I fought the urge to connect our lips again.

No, I shouldn’t be doing this at all. I came in here to be mad at her. I’m supposed to be yelling, not…

“I…” She spoke through labored breaths. “I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t keep looking at you in the crowd and just keep pretending that I don’t…” She kissed me again, softly this time. “That all of those songs weren’t for you.”

I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I could hear it skip. It was everything I so desperately wanted and everything I had to push away all at once. Did she feel the same way I did all along? Even if she did, I can’t… “What are you talking about-”

Lilly kissed me again to silence me. I gave in again. It wasn’t fair. “Stop lying.”

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