Page 19 of After Effect

“Exactly. Put them around my waist.” Lilly grabbed my hands and repositioned them on her hips. “Just squeeze me a little tighter if you get scared.”

With one last pat of my leg, she shifted the scooter off its center stand and started off down Sunset Boulevard. Somehow, even just the speed limit felt fast sitting on the back of the bike. It was such a different sensation from driving in a car. And I’ve been very, very fast in a car.

“This is amazing.” I was laughing through my words. “I’ve never experienced anything quite like it.”

“You’ve never ridden a bike before?” Lilly called back to me over the sound of the wind.

“No, my parents always told me they were too dangerous. I used to race karts though.”

“I always wanted a kart! But we couldn’t afford them. Do you still race?”

“N-no.” I squeezed Lilly as she pulled onto Mulholland Drive. “I quit after my dad died.”

“Ah… sorry.”

“Where are we going?” I watched that familiar blacktop roll past us. I squeezed tighter.

“Ha- I guess instinct kicked in and I started heading home.” She gave my thigh another pat. “Where do you live? I can take you back to your own house.”

“This is fine. I just… haven’t been up this way in a while.” I can do this. It’ll be fine.

“It’s a fun road! Let me show you.”

I nodded against her, then buried my face in her shoulder, focusing on the scent of her vanilla perfume and her leather jacket. I didn’t want to tell her that I’d been up this road a million times. I wanted even less to tell her the turn up ahead was where my dad went off the road. She didn’t need to know that.

The warmth of her back gave me comfort as she threw her scooter into each turn.

“You okay back there?” Her voice brought my focus back to the road. “You’re squeezing pretty hard.”

I wanted to loosen my grip, but as she swept through that corner and my eyes caught the sight of the cliff side, I couldn’t fight my instinct. My fingers dug into her coat, and I closed my eyes tightly. She pulled off on the overlook and turned off the scooter.

“Hey. Are you okay?” Lilly’s voice was more stern this time. I relaxed my grip, and sat up straight, creating the smallest amount of distance between us. I didn’t realize how much I was shaking until I we had come to a stop. She rocked her scooter onto its stand, then I hopped off the back, and she dismounted.

Lilly hooked an arm around mine. It was a small gesture, but it instantly filled me with a sense of calm. “Did I scare you?”

“I said I’m fine.” I averted my eyes.

“Don’t give me that. You’re still shaking. What’s wrong?”

“No.” Not even thorough inebriation was enough to make this road easier for me. Still, I was surprised by my own reaction. How little control I had over it. I thought I’d be able to face this road one day, but I was a complete mess just standing here. I was so weak. “Dad would be disappointed in me.”

“Your dad?” Lilly released my arm and turned to face me. Dammit, I didn’t mean to say that out loud, either. I’m never drinking again.

Unfair. I let out a sigh. Against my better judgement, instead of shutting down, I found myself talking. “My dad used to take me up here a lot.”

“I see.” Lilly’s playful expression disappeared as my words sunk in.

“I was in the car when he went off. Right there.” I pointed to the corner. “It’s probably still down there.”

“I see.”

We both stood in silence for several minutes. Finally, Lilly’s voice penetrated the night. “Sorry, I… I didn’t know.”

“I always wondered how I’d react if I came back here. It’s usually far enough away that I never think about it anymore.” I tried to laugh, but it sounded as forced as it was. My eyes were more teary than tough. “I guess it still haunts me a bit.”

I barely finished my sentence when I found myself locked into an embrace. Lilly squeezed me against her, tightly enough to force my pieces back together. Tightly enough to feel safe. Tightly enough to feel… loved. Like she cared. I let my hands find her back, and I let her rest her chin on my shoulder. It was a hug that I never wanted to end.

When she finally let me go, I resented the cool air that had now come between us.

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