Page 157 of The Mercy Chair

‘I studied psychology at the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich then went on to specialise in psychotraumatology. Unlike CBT, psychotraumatology isn’t covered by German mandatory healthcare insurance. As a result, patients there can have trouble accessing good-quality care.’

‘No, Doctor Lang. That’s what you did in your late teens and early twenties. I want to hear about yourchildhood.’

‘But . . . I’ve just told you. I grew up in Mindelheim.’

‘Describe a specific childhood memory.’

‘Drinking rum and hot chocolate with my friends after we’d been skiing.’

‘That sounds like a teenage memory. Tell me about your tenth birthday party. That’s always a big thing for a child. I bet your parents made a fuss.’

‘They did,’ she nodded.

‘What type of birthday cake did you have? Was it chocolate? I bet it was. The Germans make a good chocolate cake.’

Doctor Lang frowned. ‘I . . . I can’t remember,’ she said after a minute.

‘Did you have a party? You must be able to remember that.’

‘I can’t,’ she said, her voice low and uncertain. She bit her lip and clenched her jaw. She began balling and unballing her fists. ‘Why can’t I remember my childhood, Washington? What’s happening to me?’

‘You can’t remember your childhood, Doctor Lang, because something terrible happened. Something so horrific you weren’t safe in your own head. So your mind used an extraordinary, but entirely normal, coping strategy to survive: it completely blocked out the first fifteen years of your life.’

‘I was Bethany’s friend when I was younger? Is that why I turned up in Eve’s basement?’

‘No.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘You know what I’m saying, Doctor Lang.’

‘Tell me anyway,’ she said, her voice hollow and empty.

‘You didn’t know Bethany Bowman,’ Poe said. ‘YouareBethany Bowman.’

Chapter 134

‘I take it you know what dissociative identity disorder is?’ Poe said.

‘It’s a formally recognised psychiatric diagnosis,’ Doctor Lang said mechanically. ‘The patient must show at least two identities, which routinely take control of the individual’s behaviour. Almost without exception, patients have had significant attachment-based trauma, usually occurring in their child . . .’

She didn’t finish.

‘Yes, Doctor Lang,’ Poe said. ‘I’m told most DID has its genesis in childhood, and although everyone has a unique experience, it often manifests as competing and conflicting identities.’

She shook her head. Poe wasn’t sure if she was denying what he’d said, or just clearing her mind. ‘This doesn’t make sense,’ she said.

‘Doesn’t it?’ Poe replied. ‘Because it makes perfect sense to me. Your parents hated you, then they sacrificed you. Your sister betrayed you and your brother tried to stone you to death. Your biological father slit your throat. I’d say taking a break from being Bethany was an entirely rational choice, wouldn’t you?’

‘But DID isn’t how it’s portrayed in the movies,’ she protested. ‘It’s never the case that one personality is evil while the other is kind and gentle. The characteristics of the separate personalities already have to exist.’

‘No one is suggesting Bethany is evil, Doctor Lang.’

‘But she murdered people. Shetorturedpeople.’

‘Bethany’s a survivor. She’s fierce and protective and she loves you very much. In times of great stress or danger, dissociation is triggered. Doctor Clara Lang disappears and Bethany Bowman the survivor takes control. We think up until recently you were, as you’ve said, living a peaceful life in Germany. You were practising as a trauma therapist and you had put Bethany’s experiences behind you. You were happy. But something happened. Something happened and it was on the news. You must have seen it in Germany and, for reasons you probably didn’t understand, it made you anxious. Scared even. And when you’re scared or anxious your dissociation is triggered. And Bethany doesn’t feel scared, Bethanyacts. She does what she has to do to keep Clara safe. We’ve spoken to the people you believed to be your parents and they told us that you simply disappeared one day. The German police have been able to track your movements though. They know the trains you took and they know the shop where you legally purchased your stun gun. They know the ferry you took at Rotterdam. We were able to track you from Hull to Cumbria. When Superintendent Nightingale’s police officers turned up at Eve’s house, they didn’t find Bethany in the basement, they found Doctor Clara Lang. The danger had passed; there was no one left to punish. You had dissociated back.’

She eyed him suspiciously but offered no commentary.

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