Page 80 of Pit

“Chicks?” I repeat.

He laughs. “What do you think they’d eat in the wild?”

“But they’re not in the wild,” I remind him.

“They need a good diet of raw meat, eggs, and vegetables.”

I screw my nose up. “I think you can be in charge of his diet.”

We load everything we need into the truck before setting off, making one stop at the pet store on the way to purchase everything Pit thinks Chance needs.

As the truck slows outside the farmhouse, my stomach lurches and my anxiety spikes. The good memories are very few, and my brain is assaulted with bad ones. I close my eyes tightly and breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. “You good?” asks Pit, and I open my eyes to find him watching me with concern.

“I hated the way you used to look at me,” I whisper.

He instantly looks guilty and reaches for my hand. “Who I am when I’m in club mode is not the real me. This is me,” he says gently, offering a small smile. “When I have to do shit like that, I can’t afford to be nice or show kindness. When I’m like that, I have one thing on my mind—protecting the club.” I give a stiff nod. His explanation doesn’t make the bad memories go away.

We get out the car, and he lifts Chance out, placing him on the floor. He takes a few wobbly steps as we both smile like proud parents, and for a second, I forget my anxiety.

Once inside, I lay Chance’s bed beside the other two in the kitchen and then busy myself unpacking the food we’d brought with us. I didn’t get to look around the kitchen before, and now, as I open cupboards to see the old China plates, I feel myself relaxing some more.

“They were my grandmother’s,” he says from behind me as he places our bags on the floor. “I daren’t eat off them in case I break them. I’m too heavy handed.”

“They’re beautiful.” I turn back to him. “Did you live with them here?”

He shakes his head. “No. I was a young lad, and I wanted to be where my friends were. There’s nothing here for a teenager,” he says, smirking, “but they’d insist I come over for holidays and they’d slip me money and feed me up. They hated her, my mother.”

“Were they her parents?”

He shakes his head again. “No, my dad’s, but he died when I was a baby serving in the Army. They reckon it’s what sent Mum off the rails.”

“That’s so sad.”

“I have no regrets,” he says, shrugging.

“Did they keep photographs?” I ask hopefully, and he laughs.

“We’ll walk the dogs and then I’ll show you.”

We walk around the field slowly. Chance is still struggling to stay upright, and we don’t want to tire him too much. Halfway around, we stop, and Chance lies down gratefully. I sit beside him on the grass, and Pit joins us. “Have there been many?” I ask, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

Pit narrows his eyes. “Many what?”

“Girlfriends?”

He grins. “Is that what you are now?” he asks, his tone teasing. For a second, I’m transported back to school and the way Steven would tease me. As if he senses my panic, he grabs my hands in his. “This is real,” he tells me firmly. “Don’t doubt that.”

“I’m just waiting,” I whisper.

“For what?”

“For you to realise I’m this broken, ugly mess. And then you’ll run a mile and laugh that I even thought for one second I was good enough to be with you.”

His heart breaks for me, I see it written all over his face, and he gets up on his knees, facing me. He places his hands either side of me and crawls over my body until I’m lying back, staring up into his eyes as he hovers over me. “You’re not ugly or broken,Tessa. You’re fucking amazing. You’ve been through so much, and here you are, with me. After what I did, I don’t deserve it. And so, it’s me waiting for you to run a mile and tell me all the things I already know, which is that I’m not good enough for you.”

I run my hands over his cheeks, pushing my fingers into his hair. He closes his eyes, and I pull him down to meet my lips. “I think maybe we’re just perfect for each other.”

He deepens the kiss, running his hand along my thigh, and then he suddenly stops and rolls from me, dropping onto his back and staring up at the sky, panting hard. He throws his arm over his face, and my eyes scan down his body to the bulge in his jeans. I bite my lower lip and take a deep breath before climbing over him. He uncovers his eyes. “Tessa,” he whispers, sounding pained.

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