Page 61 of Pit

I shrug. “I don’t know. Luna said it all fades with time. Eventually, I won’t feel them or smell them.” Pit’s fists tighten around his mug. “But they’re the last men to have touched me,” I add, feeling shame wash over me. “How do I erase that?” I bite my lower lip, scared to make the proposition that’s on the tip of my tongue. I take a breath. “Maybe if we . . . yah know, if we just . . .”

His head shoots up, his eyes wide. “No,” he says bluntly, and I immediately recoil like he’s slapped me.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” I rush to say, feeling even more disgusting.

Pit practically jumps out his chair and rushes to me, grabbing my hands in his and kneeling before me. His eyes search my own. “Te, I didn’t mean I don’t want to—of course, I do—but it’s too soon, and who knows what will trigger you?”

I push to stand, and he drops my hands. “It’s lack of sleep,” I say, forcing a laugh to lighten the mood. “But I feel much sleepier after the drink and . . .” I shrug again. “Maybe you should go.”

He stands too but doesn’t move out of my space. “Don’t do that,” he whispers, hooking a finger around mine. “I’m not rejecting you.”

I nod. “I know. I just feel so embarrassed right now,” I mutter. “Make it easier on me.”

“You don’t need to feel embarrassed. Your emotions are all over the place, it’s not surprising.”

“Still, I’d rather die of embarrassment alone,” I say with an awkward smile.

He gives a nod and heads for the door. I follow, willing my cheeks to stop burning. “Goodnight,” he whispers, cupping my jaw and lightly kissing me on the forehead. A friendly kiss, just to make his message clear.

“Goodnight,” I say, avoiding eye contact.

Pit

It’s not how I wanted to leave things. I didn’t expect her to say what she said, but fuck, I get it—she doesn’t want those fuckers to be the last ones who touched her. And, for whatever reason, she trusts me. Fuck knows why after everything I’ve done.

“Did you go and see her?” asks Axel from his office as I pass.

I pause, leaning in the doorway and shaking my head. “Couldn’t bring myself to tell her, Pres.”

I don’t miss the sympathetic look on his face. “Maybe text her when you’ve gone?”

I give a stiff nod and head upstairs. Axel was right about one thing—I need to hit the road. The anger and pain inside me will result in a shitstorm, and I can’t put Tessa through any more. She needs to find her own way with people just like her, who have families and meet friends for dinner. I can’t give her the stability she needs, and I certainly won’t ask her to sacrifice her dreams for me.

I toss and turn for the remainder of the darkness, and the second the sun rises, I get up and take the dogs for a walk. For the first time, I’m leaving them both behind, and I hate that, but right now, I just need to take care of me.

When I get back to the clubhouse, I head into church, where Axel is keen to get started. “We all know Pit hates being around us,” he jokes, and some of the men laugh. “Today, he’s hitting the road and who the fuck knows when we’ll see him again. He’s leaving his crazy dogs behind, and the prospects will take care of them. And as usual, any work you’ve got outside the area, run it by me and we’ll send it Pit’s way.”

Once church is over, I shake hands with my brothers, and they take turns wishing me well. And then I find King and Gigi, burying my face in their furry necks to say goodbye. Usually, I’d be back in a couple months, but right now, I don’t know how I feel about coming back.

I’ve been on the road for six hours when I finally stop and pull into a hotel. Just being alone with my thoughts is already making me feel better. Once I’m in the room, I pull out my mobile and turn it on. It beeps twice, and I open the messages from Tessa.

Tessa: Pit, I’m so sorry. I feel mortified whenever I think about it. I just wanted you to know I’m not some sex pest or a freak. I just needed normal and you gave me that. Sorry x

Tessa: Now I’m overthinking. Are you avoiding me? Oh god, do you hate me because of it? I’m so ashamed. x

I smile. Trust her to overthink everything.

Me: Relax, we’re cool, Tessa. X

Her reply is almost instant, like she’s been waiting for my message.

Tessa: I got out the house today. I went to the shop all by myself. I didn’t even cry once. I hope you’re proud of me. I am. X

My heart twists. I am proud. So fucking proud. But also worried. Because every time we text, I feel myself wanting her more. I turn my phone off and chuck it on the side. I need sleep, because tomorrow, I’m heading for Ireland.

Chapter Sixteen

Tessa

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