Page 66 of See Her

Back by the bus, she told me how this chapter needed to just be me and the guys, at least for a while, while we got used to this new life.I’ve been hearing it from other people too, like George and Erin, and Matt didn’t want to say so, but he told me she had a point. I knew she had one too, I just didn’t care. I want her with me anyway. Selfish? Definitely.But I can’t help it.It feels like not long ago I was carrying her across our threshold, because itwasn’tthat long ago. We should be enjoying our new married life together, but instead, she’s going to be in our home, alone, and I’m going to be stuck on a bus. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

“Keep your phone close to you, because you’re my first call when I wake up every day,” I say.

“I will,” she says, looking at me with her hands resting on my arms.

“I mean it. Before my head’s even off the pillow, I want to hear your voice, first thing.”

“I will, I promise,” she repeats.

“I don’t like this,” I say, letting out a frustrated sigh.

“Me neither,” she sighs back.

“So then don’t leave,” I puff out. My maturity flew out the window somewhere between the venue and the airport.

“Jack, I’m not going anywhere.” She looks up to show me her eyes.

“It kind of looks like you are.” I gesture cynically to our surroundings.

She lets out a small sigh as a dejected look passes over her eyes. “You know what I mean,” she mutters softly, looking down to the pavement.

Fuck.

I remind myself she doesn’t actually want to do this, and that I don’t want to hurt her worse than she already is. I gather her back in my arms and kiss her nose, silently apologizing. “I know, I’m sorry,” I whisper tenderly.

“I just mean that you are trying to juggle two new aspects of life when you haven’t gotten used to either one individually. This chanceisgoing somewhere if you don’t jump on it. But me? I’m still going to be here when you get acclimated, and then it will be my turn,” she explains with a shade of determination in her voice.

Only a few weeks in and she’s being a true wife; putting her partner first.I just hope that one day I can do this for her, and I vow right then to myself that I will as I bring my hands up to cradle her face.

“I love you.”I just can’t think of anything else to say that would convey how I’m feeling right now.How amazing I think she is with how selfless she’s being, even though it’s ripping me apart. How much I’m going to be missing her touch the next few weeks. How her presence keeps me sane. All of it. I try to tell her with my eyes.

“I love you,” she says back, speaking a million words with her gaze right back at me. Her eyes are shimmering with threatening tears,and one escapes down her cheek.I swipe it away with my thumb and bring my mouth down to hers, kissing her deep, long, and hard.Everything I just tried to tell her with my eyes, I try to put into this kiss. And once again, I don’t give a shit who sees.

My arms tighten around her as I feel hers go around me and hook under my shoulders.Our heads tilt and switch sides with the stroking of our lips, and it just can’t go on long enough.When it’s time to reluctantly pull away, her lips look slightly swollen. I hope that means she’ll be feeling me on her lips for hours. My heart gets heavier still when she slings her carryon over her shoulder and walks away with her suitcase behind her. She pauses at the entrance to look over her shoulder at me before walking through. The automatic doors close behind her, sealing her in. And just like when I walked out of the coffee shop the day we met, I can feel the distance stretching between us deep down inside, and it feels all kinds of wrong.

32

MAYZIE

The entire plane ride, I sit still as a stone, afraid that if I move, the pain will shatter me.I don’t look around either, afraid that if I do, I’ll have to acknowledge this reality.I shoot Ian a text when I land, hoping he’ll make himself scarce when I get home, and walk almost robotically to baggage claim to get my suitcase. In the back of the Uber, I rest my head back and refrain from looking out the window.It’s early evening; the sky is grey and the weather is damp, but that’s all I can tell. I don’t want to face the proof that I’m in Detroit just yet. It’s like I’ve turned my mind into a plain white, barren room, containing as little stimuli as possible, as if a sensation of any kind will send me over the edge. When the car drops me off in front of our house, I notice my mother’s car in the driveway… and Annie’s.

Oh God, please tell me this isn’t some kind of intervention or lecture on how I married a guy I barely knew and then went on the road with him and his rock band. I’m really not in the mood.

I stand outside my front door debating going to a hotel or Jack’s sister’s when the door swings open. Thankfully, my large and beloved dogs come barreling out and start mauling me, giving me a few more moments of avoidance from my mom and bestie. Surprisingly, they wait for me to come into the house after I’ve reassured Penny and Trooper that they haven’t been abandoned.

Ian must have let my mom know I was coming back. As for Annie, I don’t know if my mother reached out and talked her into a front of solidarity, or if she’s just secretly a witch that knew I was re–entering her orbit. Either way, I have yet to know if her presence is a good thing. Between my eloping and leaving, she’d been oscillating between being my excited friend to grumbling about Penny getting to be my Maid of Honor.

After I shut the door behind me, Annie lets my dogs out into the backyard while I set down my bags, taking as long as I can not to look at my mother until it can no longer be avoided. I draw in a breath as I raise my head, and I’m surprised to find a small smile on her face. It’s not patronizing, it’s compassionate.

The last twelve hours catch up to me suddenly, along with the lonely flight, and I give up and give in. My shoulders drop and I slowly walk over to my mother and into her waiting arms. I let my head drop onto her shoulder and press my lips together as I fight off the sting behind my eyes.

“Hi, Mommy,” I mumble into her sweater.

“Hi, honey,” she responds as Annie returns from the back door, and I regard her over my mom’s shoulder. Then I realize I smell pizza… double pepperoni and green peppers if I’m not mistaken.

“What are you guys doing here?” I finally ask when my mom releases me.

“We ordered pizza, there’s a pitcher of margaritas in the fridge, and three pints of Moose Tracks in the freezer; what do you think we’re doing?” Annie quirks, giving me a faint smile that tells me all I need to know. They have come in peace.

---