Page 74 of Where the Darkness Goes

“Hey.” I clear my throat. “It’s, um, good to see you.”

Before I’m ready, she steps back, dropping her arms away from me. “Yeah.” She smiles. “Sorry I missed you guys at the graduation. Britney was throwing a party at the lake house, so we left right after the ceremony. Mom told me you stopped by.”

“It’s okay,” Will tells her. “We just came in for the day, so we couldn’t stay or anything.”

Even on his own, Will hasn’t gone back to his mom’s house more than two or three times since graduation. Everyone assumes it’s because of the awkwardness between Tessa and me, and Will and I have let it be assumed. Until now, it was easier. Even when it killed me.

“So what are the plans for tonight?” Tessa asks as if this is just like old times. In so many ways, that’s exactly how it feels. “What are my Nashville must-dos?”

Will grins and cups his hands around his mouth, speaking in a booming, game-show-host voice. “Well, little lady, I’m glad you asked. We’re taking you to Broadway so you get the full Nashville tourist experience. There, you will be guaranteed to see the following: a shit ton of drunk bridesmaids, swarms of equally drunk men wearing cowboy boots for the very first time, awesome musicians, not-so-awesome musicians, and not a singleactualNashvillian, excluding the workers.” The booming voice fades away, and he chuckles to himself. “Seriously, we avoid it like the plague.”

“Sounds perfect.” An infectious smile curves on her lips. “I’m going to take a shower and change, and then we’ll go.”

Will watches her walk away with a tender look on his face. Their relationship is better now, but still not what it was. He explained away his behavior, blaming it on a bout of depression after Cassidy’s death. It’s not a total lie. Willwasdepressed, just not wholly about that.

I’ve waited for this day for over a year now, and I still don’t know whether tonight will make everything better or worse. When I hear the shower kick on, I clear my throat.

“Listen, I want to tell her everything tonight. I know we said we’d decide when the time was right, but she’s graduated now. We got the results back. It’s time. I can’t wait any longer.”

He folds his arms across his chest. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot too, actually.”

“Yeah?”

He scratches his eyebrow with a sigh I feel in my bones. “I don’t think we should tell her at all. Think about it. She doesn’t have to find out. No one is better off for knowing about this. Justlet her be happy. It’s the last thing we can give her. The best thing.”

“What? No.” My voice is strained. Panicked. “That was never the deal. We agreed?—”

“And I changed my mind. You saw what it did to me when I found out. We can protect her from this.”

“No, we can’t. We have done everything,all of this”—I wave a hand through the air—“to protect her, but we’re done now. You want her to be happy? This is the way. That’s exactly why I want to tell her. It’s the only way to explain what we did. The only way to make her understand why I broke things off. I want to make her happy. I…” Chills line my skin. “Will, I love her. I can’t lie to her and pretend I don’t anymore. She’s it for me.”

Will is sympathetic, but not convinced. “If you love her, you’ll find a way to be together without causing her unnecessary pain.” He pats my shoulder. “She’ll forgive you without needing to be destroyed by this. Just talk to her.”

My jaw goes tight. I can’t believe he’s doing this. “Telling her the truth was always the way out. Always. We talked about this. How can you ask me to keep lying to her? I have a good reason for what I did, and I deserve to be able to tell her that. Especially after everything else I did for you.”

His eyes darken with pain, and I regret my words immediately. “None of that was for me. I never asked you to break up with her. I didn’t want your help.” He shakes his head, his expression grim.

“I know, but you needed me, whether you’ll admit it or not.”

He rubs a hand across his forehead, head bowed. “Look, you’re my brother. If you hadn’t pulled me out of that darkness back then, I’m scared to think about what would’ve happened to me.” He pauses, his eyes lingering on the hallway. “But if you tell her the truth, you’ll be putting her in there. Are you really readyto do that again? Because if I could live my life not knowing, I think I’d be better off.”

I swallow. Is he right? Is wanting to tell Tessa the truth about everything back then selfish?

“Fine. I’ll figure something else out.”

He gives me a long look, like he wants to say something else. Maybe to apologize, but eventually he just says, “I know you will.”

The music is too loud. The beer is too expensive. The people are too obnoxious. Everywhere you look, there are rhinestones and tassels, boots and cowboy hats.

“I feel like I’m in a John Wayne movie,” I mutter to Will.

Of course, he can’t hear me because Luke Bryan is currently asking a country girl to shake it for him at a volume loud enough to be heard by said country girl’s ancestors. I hate Broadway with a passion, but when I look at Tessa, she’s swaying in place, completely and utterly happy, and the rest of it fades away.

Nothing else exists for me when it comes to her. She’s everything…and I’m terrified.

I messed it all up before, and I know there’s a good chance she’ll never forgive me. That she’s moved on, and I missed my chance, but I also know I’ll hate myself forever if I don’t ask.

We stay until last call, and I know I’m getting old because it feels like we’ve been gone for three days, not three hours, when we make it back to the apartment.

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