Page 42 of Heir of the Autumn Queen

“I see.” I process his words.“And are most people afraid of you? The way Xavier was?” I ask, wondering which version of him is the real one; the flirty, carefree male who I met in the tavern after playing cards, or the warrior-assassin who people shy away from.

“I’m known as the Reaper of Souls,” is his only response, leaving me to answer my own question.

“ShouldIbe afraid of you?” I ask him, placing a palm flat on his chest, making his head turn back my way.

Finn’s eyes brighten and shimmer slightly as if remembering the moment we shared before we left his room at the castle.“I would never hurt you.” His voice is so deep, it’s almost a whisper.

I stare into his eyes, seeing the truth of his words there, but also a deep-seated pain, like he’s conflicted about something. In a bold move, I lift myself onto my toes and place a whisper-soft kiss on the corner of his mouth as his chest starts to heave under my palm. I kiss the other side of his mouth, and then his jaw and neck, nipping playfully at the delicate skin there. Finn lets out a low moan deep in his throat, and I can smell the shift in his scent, a spiciness starting to overpower the rest of his signature aroma. But he doesn’t touch me, as if he knows the importance of me having autonomy over my body after what was almost taken from me tonight. Still kissing my way around his neck, I say his name once.“Finn.”

He shivers from my warm breath and swallows heavily.“Yes?”

“You can touch me,” I tell him in a whisper, wanting—no,needinghis hands on me.

He pulls away from me slightly and looks down at me, his eyes full of concern as he scans my face.“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I breathe, my body buzzing with desire.

“Thank the gods.” His arms come around my waist as he lifts me up gracefully. He walks us backward to the wall and pins my back to it with his front as my legs instinctively wrap around his waist. His thumb strokes my cheek once before his mouth is on mine, tender and warm, but also full of need. This kiss is nothing like the one that Xavier forced upon me; it’s tentative and uncertain, as if he still wants to make sure I’m okay before fully giving himself over to his own desire. I reach my hands up into his hair and massage his scalp lightly with my nails, making him shiver, and he deepens the kiss. My mouth parts as he tilts his head slightly and his tongue strokes mine.

He pulls back, his face hard once again.“I can still taste that bastard on your tongue.”

“I don’t want to talk about him.” I shake my head and grab at his shoulders, pulling him closer to me. I kiss him again, growing more courageous as I flick my tongue against his, and I feel him smile against my mouth. He presses his hips into mine, and I feel his hard length straining against the seam of his pants, but this time, there’s no embarrassment as I feel the evidence of his arousal, only curiosity.

“For a virgin, you sure know how to kiss,” Finn says, his breath coming faster now.

My only response is a squeeze of my thighs around his torso as I take his bottom lip into my mouth and bite down playfully. He moans softly, and deepens the kiss again, reaching up to tangle his hands in my hair. He grabs a fistful at the nape of my neck and tugs softly, and my eyes snap open. I’m instantly transported back to the garden, feeling Xavier yank my hair to tilt my head back harshly. I go still against Finn, reliving the trauma from earlier tonight in my mind, and he pulls away immediately to study my face.

Realizing what he’s done, he drops his hand from my hair and sets me down on the floor, breaking all contact between our bodies.“Shit, I’m sorry. I should’ve known better.” He looks down at me, clearly distressed.

“It’s fine,” I say, wrapping my arms around myself, shaking off the feel of Xavier’s rough hands in my hair. The blazing mood that had so thickly coated the space between us is instantly extinguished, as if someone threw a bucket of cold water on us. I walk over to the chair by the fireplace and sit down, bringing my knees up to my chest, loathing the fact that I’m still wearing a dress.

Finn stands there awkwardly for a moment before starting a fire in the hearth in an attempt to warm the room, which now feels desperately cold. He comes over and kneels in front of me.“I need to go take care of a few things, but I’ll come back tomorrow, okay?” he says, more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him.

“If you’re thinking of kicking Xavier’s ass, he’s not worth it,” I tell him, grasping for some of our normal lighthearted banter.

Finn smiles at me.“As much as I would love to beat that little shit to a pulp, I need to go do some damage control with the king and queen. I’m sure Xavier’s already gone and whined to Mommy and Daddy about what I did in the garden, and things have already been tense between our kingdoms.”

His confession makes me feel even worse than I already do, knowing I played a part in widening a potential rift between the Northlands and Eastlands.“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize. You didnothingwrong.” Finn’s voice has so much authority that I actually believe him. I nod, and he kisses me once on the forehead. We stare at each other for a few moments before he stands and heads out the door and down the hallway. I hear his footsteps retreating down the stairs, and then silence.

I shuck my dress, not even bothering to pick it up off the floor before climbing into bed as bone-deep exhaustion claims my body.

I toss and turn all night, reliving the moment in the garden with Xavier over and over again. But in my nightmares, Finn doesn’t come for me. Xavier pins me down on the ground amidst the rose bushes as I fight against him, my skin getting torn up by the thorns while I thrash violently under his weight. I wake just before Xavier can force himself between my legs, gasping for breath as my heart beats wildly in my chest. Sleep doesn’t come again, and I miss my home more tonight than I ever have.

But laying here in this bed, I realize that home is no longer just a place, it's afeeling. And without Finn beside me, I feel utterly homeless.

Chapter Twenty-one

When I climb out of bed the following morning, the anger from the night before is still there, if not worsened by the nightmare I had of the Spring Prince. It wasn’t until this morning that I realized that Xavier never even asked me my name, false or otherwise, which only makes me more livid. Even worse, I find myself no closer to my goal of making friends and gaining allies in hopes of dethroning Selena. But I suppose Prince Xavier did confirm that the people in the Autumn Kingdom are unhappy under my aunt’s rule, which encourages me to stick to my course of action.

However, I don’t think I’ll be gaining an ally in the court here after what happened with Xavier, so it’s time to move on. Perhaps to the Summer Kingdom, where my birth father was from. I know I should talk to Finn, especially after the night we shared. We definitely furthered our relationship, crossing that blurry line between friends andmore than friends, but there just hasn’t been an opportunity to organically tell him the truth about who I am and what I came here to do. And now, I’m even more afraid that when I finally do tell him and he realizes I’ve been lying to him this whole time, he’ll want nothing to do with me. Using a fake name sounded like a good idea when Killian mentioned it, but now I’m finding it more of a hassle than it’s worth.

Shadow is definitely growing antsy after multiple days of being cooped up in a stall, so I bring her with me as I head out from the inn toward the leathersmith to retrieve the saddle I commissioned earlier this week. We find our way there without any issues, aside from a few elongated stares from those who have never seen a pegasus, and I’m pleased to find that the saddle is well-crafted with the modifications I requested done perfectly. The smith helps me test it on Shadow, who shows no objections to the leather on her back aside from a few tosses of her head. We cinch it up, and I mount her without complication, relieved that it doesn’t seem to hinder her wings at all. I pay the smith the remainder of what I owe him, and head back onto the road, drawing a few more curious gazes now that I’m mounted.

I decide to take Shadow to the edge of town so we can practice riding together a bit more with the new saddle in place, and she seems more than happy to oblige. We ride through the trees for about an hour, becoming more familiar with how the other moves, until my stomach growls and we head back into town. We’ll probably only spend one more night here before moving further west, and eventually south.

I reluctantly get Shadow back into her stall and promise her we’ll be out on the open road again by tomorrow. I eat lunch at the same tavern as before, scarfing down some kind of fish with rice and an ale, until my stomach is pressing tightly against the seam of my pants.

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