Page 66 of Virgin Skin

“Don’t let Jag hear you say that.” Milo laughs. “He seems weirdly attached to me. And dude is a little bit unhinged.” There’s fondness in his voice for our favorite batshit twink, and I can’t help but smile back at him.

“It’s fine,” I assure him. The last thing I want Milo or his friends to think is that I’m a controlling asshole. Obviously, I’d prefer he not tell any of the guys because that’s almost guaranteed to blow up in our faces, but I get the need to have friends to vent to.

It hits me that this is exactly the kind of thing I would usually talk to Arrow about, but I’ve been keeping it all to myself because the last thing I want is to put him in the position of having to lie to Hero too. He started this motorcycle club because he’s so attached to the idea of us being like family, and here I am fucking it all up.

“So, did you just come in to ogle your man or what?” Luther asks.

I scoff. I didn’t come in tooglehim. I thought he was alone in here and I came in to find out why he wasn’t out at the fire with everyone else. If that impromptu search and rescue mission had ended in a couple of quick handjobs before I brought him outside so I could spend the rest of the night doing my damnedest to play it cool, then I wouldn’t have complained.

My stomach twists. It definitely crossed my mind that maybe the reason Milo wasn’t outside wasbecauseI was doing mydamnedest to play it cool. When I was younger, I had plenty of situations with guys who were only into me behind closed doors. As I got older, I learned how to ferret out guys like that and avoid them. But now here I am doing the same thing to Milo. My reasons might be different, but I doubt that changes the sting of rejection.

I glance at Zeke and Luther, wishing they weren’t here again, but this time less out of jealousy and more out of the deep, aching need to check in with Milo for real. Maybe they’re not as bad as I initially assumed, because they seem to take the cue, both standing up.

“I know Luther is dying to meet some hot, single bikers,” Zeke says with a grin, grabbing his hand. “We’ll meet you out there.” He doesn’t move right away though, looking to Milo for confirmation first.

Milo nods and the two of them skirt past me and head out the back.

Even though I was wishing for this just a minute ago, silence hangs heavily between us the second we’re alone. We haven’t talked about anything serious since Milo came home drunk and I let him into my bed. We haven’t talked about it because I still don’t have a clue where we go from here. What I want is one thing, but what’s possible, what’s good for everyone else, what’s best for Milo? Those are all the spots where I keep getting hung up and thinking myself in circles.

“I’m sorry,” I manage to unstick my tongue and say.

Milo shrugs. “You warned me this would be complicated. I’m the one who pushed, so I can’t exactly complain about it now.”

He sets his nearly full drink down and runs his fingers through his hair, attempting to tame it but only making it worse. There’s a carefree smile on his lips that I might fall for if it weren’t for how guarded his eyes are.

“You can always complain.” The words come out a little more harshly than intended, but I hate the thought of him thinking he has to deal with being unhappy, deal with only getting scraps from me, of himsettlingfor anything and thinking he doesn’t have the right to ask for more.

He crosses the kitchen but stops short of getting close enough to touch me. My fingers itch to reach across the space and drag him closer, but Hero’s still right outside, and he could walk in at any minute.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I know you care about how I feel.” Milo looks like he’s lost in thought for a minute before his smile relaxes into a more genuine one. “We don’t need to hash this out in your kitchen while there’s a party going on outside, but maybe it’s time we talk about whatever this is.”

Nerves explode in my stomach and my heart races. I knew this was coming, I just didn’t expect that Milo would have the guts to bring it up before I managed to sort my thoughts out.

“Tomorrow?” he asks, clamping his lip between his teeth again.

I palm his chin and use my thumb to tug his lip free, soothing the pad over his damp, abused flesh.

One more day to figure out if this is worth risking my friendship with Hero over. Not just my friendship with Hero, but everything that’s tangled up with it: our club, our friends, the business we own together. If he doesn’t take it well, it’s going to throw all of those other things into chaos.

The way my body buzzes and everything inside of me aches at the space we’re still holding between us, I already know what my heart wants, I just don’t know if I have the balls to claim it and deal with the consequences.

I swallow hard and drop my hand from his chin with a nod.

“Tomorrow.”

Chapter 22

PISTON

One Sunday a monthwe open the shop for flash art and walk-ins, and we always do steady business. Usually I don’t mind. Sometimes it’s even kind of nice to relax into the muscle memory of tattooing simple pieces I’ve done a hundred times over before. Hearts, butterflies, skulls, roses… I could ink them in my sleep at this point. Today I’m not sure if I’m grateful for how much brain space it’s leaving me for spiraling thoughts or not.

In between clients, I glance at Hero over and over again. Is Milo right? Will he brush the whole thing off as the two of us being adults and free to make our own choices? Or will he see it as a betrayal? I’m so used to the familiar twist of guilt in my stomach that I barely notice it. Hero trusted me to look out for his son and instead I started messing around with him. I just can’t see how anyone would take that well.

Do I even have it in me to call it off at this point though?

The smell of lavender antiseptic tickles my nose and the buzz of tattoo machines is a white noise that lets me sink intoa meditative plane of thought while I prep my next walk-in, cleaning her skin and making polite small talk. Even while I’m chatting with her about the recent crazy weather and how close the holidays are getting, making sure she’s comfortable and relaxed before I start, my thoughts stay stuck on Milo the whole time.

I try to ask myself the question again and again. Can I end it with Milo? Can I tell him it’s over and actually keep my hands off him? Can I watch him get over me and start dating other people?

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