Page 58 of Christmas Criminal

And then he opens my car door and ushers me inside. "Goodnight, Criminal."

12

NICK

Saturday, December 14th

Iwait in my car while Noelle starts hers and slowly drives away, waving through the window as she heads for the road.

I don't know if I made the right decision. It was on the tip of my tongue all day, that Hank said Christina was moving back here. But he told me not to tell, and after that, saying anything at all felt like it might make the whole situation bigger than it needed to be.

Unless itisthat big for Noelle, in which case, I definitely feel like I fucked up.

I like Hank, but when it comes to Hank or Noelle, my loyalty lies with her.

The thought surprises me, and I shake my head as I start my car and head out of the high school parking lot, making a right where Noelle made a left.

Noelle blustered into my life when I wasn't expectingorlooking for someone. Yet now, after knowing her for such a short time, I already feel accountable to her. I already feel like I don't particularly care if Hank didn't want me to pass along thisnews because all that really matters is that I know now, and by extension, Noelle should too.

This feeling is new to me, but it's not uncomfortable. I think I've been searching for someone to click into like this.

Noelle is a handful in the best sort of way. She's clear about what she wants and needs, and she doesn't settle for less than what she deserves. Her communication skills leave a little to be desired, but at least I'll know I fucked up if I hear an egg splattering on my front door.

And I mean, sheisworking on it.

But as I loop around the town square, avoiding the most populated parts, I start to wonder if I'm even capable of being everything she deserves.

I don't have a family. I live on a teacher's salary–as Emily so often reminded me. And I live in the one place she hates more than anything.

A tightness blooms in my chest when I realize I really want something that I might not be able to have.

But the question of Christina still bounces around in my head. IfChristinais moving back here, Noelle would have to make her peace with that. IfChristinais moving back here, Noelle would suddenly be living in her apartment alone.

Maybe she wouldn't want to anymore.

Maybe she would see my modest townhouse and think,hey, this ain't so bad after all.

I spent a lot of time working toward this place. Toward a high school with a good reputation in a town with nice people.

She's spent her time post-high school running away, and I've spent my time post-high school dreaming of this place.

Do we even have a chance?

When I pull into my parking spot, I push my glasses up onto my head and run my hands over my face. My house is cute but bereft of personality because I'm never home to give itany. I spend most of my time at the high school or out doing community events. That's why I moved here, after all.

But suddenly I wish I had put more into it.

Suddenly I wish there was someone waiting for me inside who might turn an otherwise empty house into something warm. A place I yearn to be rather than a place I rest my head each night.

I lock my car and head inside, struck by the barren walls and lack of decoration in a way that I haven't been before.

The loneliness of it all.

And I realize, as I sink into a couch that’s far too big for one person, that Ihaveto tell Noelle her sister is moving to town. Whether it's true or not. No matter where I heard it from.

Because from here on out, I'm going to show Noelle that she can get exactly what she deserves from this town.

From me.

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