Page 96 of Christmas Criminal

Helen rolls her eyes. "No, honey. I wouldn't do that. It's dangerous."

"Okay," Noelle says, leaning over to take a bite of the scrambled eggs on her plate. "Then I guess we wait? Just a little?"

Helen nods, doling out the last of the presents right at my feet. "Just a little," she agrees.

I stare at the pile in front of me, feeling a little winded that it's nearly as big as the girls' piles. "I didn't get you enough," I blurt.

The girls laugh. Noelle pats my knee. "Half the fun of presents at Christmas is the unwrapping. My guess is there's a whole lot of fruit in there. Maybe a cookie or two if my mom was feeling a little whimsy last night. And I would bet good money there's at least one charging cable whose real home is a mystery."

Helen rolls her eyes. "That only happened one year."

"Old kitchen utensils," Christina contributes.

"DVD cases without the DVDs in them," Noelle says.

"Oh! Water bottles. Fresh from the fridge so the wrapping paper was wet."

The girls dissolve into laughter as Noelle finishes unwrapping the one that she started and holds it up for the group to see, hardly able to speak through her laughter. "A single roll of toilet paper," she says, wiping tears from underneath her eyes. "I think this one takes the cake."

"Just making sure you're Christmas isn't shitty," Helen says, and their laughter doubles. Noelle presses her face into my arm, the roll of toilet paper shaking in her hand.

"Thank you, Mom. I love you," she says, crawling forward to leave a quick kiss on her mom's cheek.

"Love you too, sweetie."

And then a booming voice cuts through the noise. "HO HO HO!"

Noelle jumps, Helen grimaces, and Christina twists on the couch with a look of delight on her face that drops when she realizes the voice is not, in fact, her dad's.

It's Hank’s.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" he bellows, emerging from the hallway dressed in a full Santa suit with a sack thrown over his shoulder. He has a fake white beard attached to his face and waves at us like he's royalty.

"Hank," Helen groans, dropping her face into her hands.

"I COME BEARING PRESENTS FOR THE CHILDREN!"

Noelle's face is pure joy as she grins up at him.

"Hank, you were supposed to wait until I said the word!"

He pauses, shaking his head. "Helen, what was the word? I heard everybody laughing and I didn't feel like hiding out anymore. It's beenhours."

Christina cocks her head to the side. "When did you get here?"

He clears his throat. Helen looks away.

"Were you here all night?" Christina asks, eyes wide as she looks from Hank to her mom. "Mom, was he here all night?"

She shrugs. "Yes."

"Oh!" Christina says. "And in the room right next to mine? Mom!"

Helen shakes her head. "Christina, I'm a grown woman with needs. Just like the two of you. And I'm happy, so you're welcome to go stay at your new apartment if it makes you uncomfortable."

She looks at Hank again, and he only shrugs in response.

"This is the best Christmas ever," Noelle mutters, and I can't help wrapping my arms around her and leaving a big kiss on her cheek. When she turns to me, she still has that big grin on her face, and she winds her arms around my neck to pull meclose and kiss me. When she speaks again, her voice is lower. "Now,it's the best Christmas ever."

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