Page 17 of Cursed Wolfsbane

I didn’t know I was crying until he mentioned it, but I can’t help it. He’s lost so many people in his life. Thinking about losing Ava makes me want to curl up into a ball and die. YetUncle Vale has lost two siblings and his mate and is still here and functioning.

“Just because it happened in the past doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. There’s not a day that goes by that Mama being gone doesn’t hurt,” I rasp while trying to stem my tears.

“It’ll always hurt, Bee, but time does dull the pain. One day, you’ll realize it’s been a whole day since you thought about Evie. Then two days, then a week, and so on. Eventually, you’ll think of the happy memories with your mom instead of the sadness of losing her. It’s a process—a slow, painful, and often grueling process—but it will get easier,” Uncle Vale reassures me.

I nod, but I’m not sure he’s right. It’s been seven years, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. “Has Mama being gone gotten easier for you?” I ask, wondering if I’m just slow to move on from her death.

“No, but losing your mate is a pain I hope you never have to experience. It’s unlike anything else. Losing my brothers, which was the worst part of my life before, doesn’t hold a candle to the utter agony of losing Evie. Sometimes I wonder how I’m still here and how my heart still beats without her in this world.” Uncle Vale squeezes his eyes shut and tilts his head down. Even with his face partially hidden, I can see the heartbreak twisting his features.

“I’m sorry,” I say for what feels like the hundredth time in this conversation.

“It’s not your fault. But there is one thing I want you to promise me.”

When he doesn’t continue, I take my eyes off the evergreen forest and turn to him. His sapphire eyes, that are so like Malachi’s, stare unblinkingly back at me. “Sure. What is it?”

“Live your life selfishly. At least more selfishly than your mom. Evie was the most selfless person I knew. She sacrificed her own happiness and well-being over and over for everyoneelse. And I bet she didn’t tell me about Patrick because she didn’t want to cause problems in my pack, but I could’ve protected her if she just told me. Don’t repeat her mistakes, Briar. Don’t try to handle everything yourself or avoid going after what you want to keep others happy,” he tells me, echoing some of my mom’s letter.

I nod because I can’t force the words out with my throat constricted by the tears that want to fall. How much different would our lives be if Mama had told him Patrick was blackmailing her? Would she still be here if she had?

I don’t know that any of us will ever know. All we can do is try to pick up the shards left by her death and cobble them into something resembling acceptance, happiness, or peace.

“I can do that,” I finally manage past the lump in my throat. “Are you happy?”

Uncle Vale pauses for a moment and seems to deliberate on what to say. “That’s a hard question to answer. Happiness isn’t binary. It’s not that I’m happy or unhappy all the time. I find moments of pure joy and happiness and love amidst the moments of grief and rage and sorrow. Some days, my heart feels full, like when I watch you with my boys. Other days, I can barely get out of bed, weighed down by the pain of everyone I’ve lost. You will be happy again, Bee, I promise, even if you still have hard days.”

I cover my face with my hands as the tears drip down my cheeks, hating that I’m crying in front of him.

It feels so impossible to ever be happy again without my mom. I’m a grown adult, so I shouldn’t need her still, but I do. Her absence is a chunk broken off my heart that’s never fully healed. Even when I’m smiling and laughing, I still hurt. It feels impossible to ever be happy again with the pain of her being gone. Or with the fractures in my soul from Patrick’s beatings.

Uncle Vale lets me cry silently for a few minutes. Once my tears dry up, I angrily wipe my face with the backs of my hands, trying to erase the evidence of them.

When I tilt my face up to the sun, Uncle Vale puts an arm around me and pulls me into a comforting side hug. “Ready to go inside? The boys are probably getting antsy having you out here so long.”

A ghost of a smile crosses my lips from thinking about Malachi impatiently waiting for me, Bastian making fun of him, and Xander wanting to be done with the whole thing. “Yeah. I love you, Uncle Vale.”

“I love you too, Bumble Bee, so very much.” He offers me his hand. When I take it, he pulls me up effortlessly.

After talking with Uncle Vale, it’s easy to feel like things will all work out, but nothing’s ever been that simple in my life. I don’t know what the future holds, but something tells me it’ll have a lot more heartache before we get to the happy parts—if I even survive long enough to reach them.

CHAPTER 8

BRIAR

It’s the last day of classes before winter break. Anticipation buzzes in the air as the other freshman chatter excitedly about their plans. While I’m looking forward to a break from school, it’s hard to be excited for going back to Hawthorne Grove. What if the woman who can restore my memories is dead? Or moved? Or refuses to help?

There’s so much that can go wrong. Dread sits like a block of lead in my stomach, heavy and probably unhealthy for me.

“Are you even listening, boo?” Rory’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

I aim a guilty look her way. “Um… no. I’m sorry, Ror. I just have a lot on my mind.”

Her face softens with sympathy. “That’s okey dokey, babe. We all have times like that. You wanna come over to study for finals this afternoon?”

“I’d love that. I just have to check with, er, the guys first,” I finish lamely. I can’t exactly blurt out in the middle of class that I’m living with three of my professors… and sleeping in their bed every night. With them. I’m pretty positive WHU would aggressively frown on that and probably kick me out.

With Patrick almost murdering me, they’re a little overprotective. The Wyldhart brothers like to know where I am at all times. I try to let them know my plans to ease their worry.

Rory gives me a wide grin, pleased beyond belief about whatever’s going on with her cousins and me. “Mm-hmm, and how are things going with the guys?”

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