Page 95 of Traitor Son

Actually, Gen had shoved an axe in Remin’s hand and kicked him out of the cottage.

“Must be tired.” Miche moved out of the way as Remin set the axe down and shoved the tree over, the muscles flexing in his bare back and shoulders.

“I don’t think she’s been sleeping.” He moved onto the next tree, a sturdy elm. “Before now, I mean. I talked to her guards this morning.”Thwack.“They said they’ve seen lamps burning until almost dawn, some nights.”Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.“Because she was too scared to sleep.”

Miche said nothing.

“You warned me. I thought, if she’s scared, she just needs to get over it. I didn’t think, she’s going to sit up every night listening to the devils, frightened out of her wits.” The axe swung again, sinking five inches into the elm. “I did wonder why she kept falling asleep. I pulled her out of the bath three—no, five times. That’s not normal, right?”

“No,” the other man said quietly.

“I thought so.” Remin jabbed the axe in Miche’s direction. “I thought so. But I told myself that she knows better than I do, surely she’d say something if she was sick or something.”

“Most people would.”

“Not her. Gen said she wouldn’t ask me for a bandage if she was bleeding to death, and I ignored him. She doesn’t complain, ever. Stars, I tried to do things to get her to complain, because I was sosureshe was lying, and eventually she’d break.” Remin slammed the axe into the tree, slicing a wedge, and then kicked the wedge loose with a heavy boot. “You remember the women at Iverlach? The ones that wintered with Juste?”

“Through the siege?”

“Gen said she looks like one of them.” Another tree went down. Remin went on to the next. “I knew she was skinny. Too skinny. You couldn’t tell it, the way she usually covers up, butIknew. Did you know that when women starve, or if they’re under too much stress, their bleeding will stop? I didn’t know that.”

“I have heard of it.” Miche’s face hardened.

“Well, you were the one that taught me about such things.” Remin delivered three ringing swings to a sturdy sapling and shoved it over with one huge hand. “Gen said they almost always recover. But it’ll be a while before she’ll be able to get with child.”

There was no one else to whom he would have confided something so personal. Not even Tounot or Juste, who regarded him as their liege first and their friend second. Miche was always just Miche.

“It would be a fitting punishment if she couldn’t give me children, wouldn’t it? It was the only reason I wanted her, and she knows it. That was the first thing she said to me, after Gen talked to her. She said she was sorry, she would eat and rest and get better. Not for herself. For me, so she can give me heirs.”

Remin shoved the last tree over and stood, panting. Sweat streamed down his sides and back, soaking his thick leather belt.

“She’ssorry,” he repeated bitterly. “She said she was sorry for everything her father did, and she wants to make up for it, so she’ll have children by a man who wouldn’t even comfort her when she was scared. The stars as my witness, Miche, I never meant to do that. How could I do that?”

Sitting down with a thump, he swiped at his sweaty face with a sweaty arm. Wordlessly, Miche handed him the waterskin, and he drank. It tasted salty.

“She said she’s sorry for what the Emperor did?” The other man echoed.

“That’s what she said when she woke up. She was sorry. She wanted to apologize to all of us for the things the Emperor did. That’s why she was working so hard. That’s why she never complained. She’s trying to give back what he took.” It was another bit of supreme irony that the entire time Remin had been punishing her for her father’s crimes, shehad been quietly trying to pay the debt in her own way. “And she didn’t do afuckingthing. Was she even alive when my parents were killed? Why would she think she owes me anything?”

“I would,” Miche said quietly. “Put yourself in her shoes, Rem. What if it was you? What if it was your family that wiped out hers, had her parents executed, burned down her home, and made her an orphan? You wouldn’t feel like you needed to make it right?”

“That’s not even the problem.” Remin waved this away and leaned back against the tree, gradually catching his breath. “I think I suspected something like that. Not that she was trying to make up for that bastard, but—she’s nothing like him. She has nothing to do with him, at all. But all this time, I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with her. Because I knew if I saw her hurt, or scared, or sad, I’d comfort her, and if I comforted her, I’d have to look at her, and the more I look at her…”

“So look. She’s a pretty girl.”

“I don’t want to.” Remin’s hands clenched into fists. “I think she’s innocent. I think she’s the most innocent person I’ve ever met. But what if I look, and I…and then it turns out she’s not? I can’tknow.Even now, if I think about it, I can still saywhat if it’s a trick.What if she worked until she fainted to make me doubt myself, to make me drop my guard? I think I could still be asking that when she gives me my third child.”

“Rem.” Miche looked appalled. “That’s—”

“Iknow.The problem isn’t even her anymore.But even if she hasn’t done anything, even if she never means to do anything, the Emperor could still get to her one day. I know it. There’s going to be something, some lever, some weakness he finds. He always does, the bastard. He’ll tie the strings on if he can’t find one to pull.”

“Not always.” Miche gripped his shoulder, squeezing. “I’m here, aren’t I? And Tounot, Juste, Huber, Auber, Edemir, Bram, even that troll Jinmin. You think we all haven’t had talks with strangers in taverns, wondering whether we like being Knights of the Brede? I think every third woman I bedded in Segoile wanted to know if I was happy, sworn to Remin Grimjaw. Andhappyis a strong word,” he said reflectively. “It’s hard, dangerous work, and my lord has no sense of humor.”

Remin didn’t laugh.

“I was thinking of sending her to Ereguil,” he said, resting his elbows over his knees. “The old man warned me. He said the Andelin is no place for a lady. She’d be safe there. Comfortable. She could sleep at night without wondering if a strangler is going to come through the window. Duchess Ereguil would be happy, she’s always wanted a daught—”

The waterskin hit him in the face.

---