Page 43 of Game of Revenge

She's blacked out again. Fuck, please. I can't lose another Brian or her.

I bounce the baby as best I can and stick my fingers in his mouth, making sure nothing is stuck. He's still attached to the umbilical cord and Carrie, but I don't have anything to cut it.

“Please. Please. If you live I will get help. I will talk to someone. I will fight to live. Please,” I beg, and begin to sob as the sharpest most powerful wail leaves his tiny body.

“Carrie!” someone screams from the bridge, and I sigh. Chuck is here. Everything is going to be okay now.

Chapter 13

Kiernan

“And how did that make you feel?” my therapist Shelly says with a gentle smile.

Sighing, I recline back in my chair and stare at the ceiling of her office, thinking.

After Brian was born and Carrie came out of her medically induced coma, I checked myself into a mental clinic.

I've been here for the last month, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to leave yet.

Looking at Shelly, I shrug. “I hold a lot of guilt. I know that seems absurd, but if I never chose to date them both, maybe things would have been different.”

Shelly turns off her tape recorder, then leans forward. “Kiernan, your heart is so big, and there is more room to grow. You shouldn't have had to choose. What Michael did was out of jealousy combined with being very ill.”

“I know he was sick, but how did we never catch the signs? Why couldn't I see that he was a monster? I know monsters, but he fooled me. He fooled us all.”

“A mask is just that. A mask. Some are better at hiding their true selves than others. Why don't we talk about your current love, Tray. He's agreed to do a family session with me. He wants to bring Francis too. How do you feel about that?”

“I'm happy for them. I know that he loves me too, and I'm fine with sharing him. I think a family session would do us all some good. He was so strong holding me together after Brian died, and I wasn't. I wasn't there for him to grieve, Frankie is and for that I will always owe her.”

“I see the progress you are making, Kiernan, and I am so proud of you. I know you're not sure about checking out this weekend, but I think you're ready.”

“What if I return home and all the thoughts begin to spiral again? What if I find myself back on that bridge?”

“Do you still want to disappear?”

I shake my head, and she grins. “You told me you made a promise to fight. And you have been. Every day you have grown stronger, Kiernan.”

“I don't feel strong,” I whisper, crossing my arms and holding myself. “I feel scared. Tray is moving on, and I want to be there for him. I crave it, but what if he decides to leave me too?”

“Taking a leap is frightening, but you never know what might be at the bottom. It could be something amazing.”

“I am sohappy you're coming home, Kier,” Carrie says, pulling me into a big hug. Chuck stands beside her, holding Brian and as soon as I'm out of my best friend's clutches, I open my hands.

“Gimmie.”

Chuck laughs, then carefully places Brian into my arms. He's so small and looks just like Freddie did.

“Hello, Brian,” I coo. “Remember me? The one who was scarred for life bringing you into this world.”

Carrie scoffs and moves closer so she can move some hair out of his eyes.

“We owe you our lives, Kiernan. You saved us… Me… again.”

Shaking my head, I bite my bottom lip. “I put your lives in danger. I never should have gone to the bridge. I was just so lost… But I’m better now. Doctor Shelly agreed to continue seeing me twice a week, and I am going to get healthy again.”

“I know you will because we will be there every step of the way. You're not alone, Kiernan. You have a huge family there to catch you when you fall,” she whispers, smiling at her baby boy.

“I see big things in your future, Kier, you just need to accept them.”

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