Page 85 of Runaway Hearts: Seduced by Danger

The realization exposes the twisted foundation upon which I had built my sense of self-worth. Richard implanted in my mind the notion I was worthless. It’s easy to see now why I remained entangled in a toxic relationship for four years. The sickening belief that I held value, even if it was solely to satisfy Eric’s violent desires, seemed preferable to the suffocating emptiness that consumed me. It was a desperate attempt to escape my own darkness.

I didn’t know I could embrace it.

As I reveal my past, Kai meets my gaze with compassion. It gives me the courage to uncover his secrets. If he can understand my mind, I can understand his.

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” I want to peel back the layers that cover him.

He hesitates before confessing, “I killed way too many people.”

“Were they bad people?” I ask, wincing but curious at the thought.

“Not really,” he replies. “Just did what needed to be done, followed orders.” He pauses. “Growing up, my father and his henchmenconstantly drilled into me that our actions were necessary for the network to function properly.”

“It corrupted your conscience.”

“It’s difficult to undo that programming.” He nods. “It’s more efficient to mute it down with anger. What about you?”

My stomach tightens, and my fingers tingle. The tingling spreads to my neck and arms, and I hyperventilate.

In an instant, I’m transported back to my old car. My eyelids drooped heavily under the effects of too many sleeping pills I just swallowed. My hands are numb, but whether it’s from the freezing temperature outside or because I’ve stopped breathing, I can’t recall. That’s the last thing I saw—my bluish fingers. And I thought, “What a peaceful way to die” before I blacked out.

Do I feel safe enough to tell him?

“You’re so gentle. I can’t imagine you hurting someone. Or stealing something,” he adds. “But you can drive better than a few racers I know.”

Kai’s words make me weird inside, and without logic, I answer. “I’ve attempted suicide. I’m not that good a person.”

The sound of my voice confessing my worst act echoes in my ears. It wraps around my throat like Eric’s hands did so often, squeezing any willpower left in me. Guilt consumes every inch of my soul until I’m nothing but a hollow shell aching with emptiness.

Kai’s question comes out breathy. “When?”

His openness is disturbing, but it pulls me in. “After the breakup,” I exhale, shame pouring over me like an icy shower.

A tiny sniff rings next to me. “When was that?”

“F… four months ago.”

A heavy pause stretches for infinity.

Until Kai scoffs and then his lips curl into a mischievous smirk. “Attempted murder, not so bad.”

Attempted murder on myself.

My jaw drops in shock. “Oh no,” I murmur, “youaredelusional.”

Kai simply shrugs. “Nothing you didn’t already know.” He smirks, all the while pouting, and it makes me want to lick his freaking face.

I can’t believe I just told him the darkest secret I’ve ever had, and he’s making jokes. Laughter bubbles out of my mouth. It’s been so long since I’ve laughed so hard without fearing repercussions that I can’t stop.

And I realize how much of a mess we are and how normal I feel around him.

Kai, the only guy who willingly gives me power.

We’re silent for a few seconds. The sun in his eyes shines brighter than the one outside. I’m like an iceberg in the Caribbean. Melting quickly.

My heart hasn’t been this light in years. Or ever?

A delicate thread stretches with the significance of unspoken words and buried fears. But instead of snapping, it weaves itself into a curious kind of bond that neither of us wants to break.

---