How can I focus on healing with him by my side?

Relationships, especially with someone as captivating as Stranger Danger, would only derail me from this path. I’ve been down that road before with Eric, only to find myself shattered and lost amidst the wreckage of failure.

It’s as if Stranger Danger has been plucked from the depths of my fantasies and placed before me, a tantalizing temptation laced with peril.

A real-life villain.

The true healing of my broken soul can only be achieved through a journey of self-discovery and self-repair. It’s a path I must walk alone, no matter how tempting the distractions along the way may be.

Some help would be nice, though.

I sit alone in the car. Failure and disappointment in my ability to manage myself overwhelm me, and I’m left with a heavy discomfort that clings to me like a spaghetti stain on a white shirt. The negative space where he sat, now empty, is a gaping hole, making me dizzy.

I left him at the mall, and in doing so, I left behind the possibility of something thrilling and new. But I also left behind the danger and the uncertainty, and maybe, just maybe, that was the right choice after all.

Shit, I’m so confused.

As the mayhem in my head subsides, I realize I’ve been in this alley for at least an hour. My brain burns from the emotional turmoil I’ve been through, and the weight of it crushes every fiber of my being. With a deep breath, I press a button on my dashboard, waiting for someone to answer the phone.

Aunt Nina’s voice crackles through the line. “Where are you, sweetie? Your uncle and I are worried. You should’ve called earlier.”

I steady my breath before responding. “Hi, Nina. I left later than I intended. I’ll be there for lunch tomorrow.” I hope my shaky voice doesn’t give away the conflict inside me.

There’s a pause on the other end of the line before Aunt Nina speaks again. “Chickadee, what’s going on?”

I try to smooth out the trembling in my voice as I lie. “I’m just tired. I’ll be stopping soon.”

From the back of the line, Corey’s voice interrupts, “I found them!”

Confused, I ask, “Found what?”

Aunt Nina laughs. “The old videos on tape. You always watch them when you visit. Corey was worried he lost some, but they’re all there.”

Relief fills me. “Oh, thank god. I can’t wait to watch them.”

Maybe reliving my childhood will bring some clarity to my mental state.

“All right, sweetie, we’ll see you tomorrow. Stay safe.”

“Bye.” I blow a kiss in the air and hang up. Maybe some answers will arise from these videos.

I hate lying to my family, but I can’t tell them I called them late because of too many panic attacks generated by a steamy hitchhiker. No one knows about my intense breakdowns.

Eric knew, and he took advantage of it. I swore to hide it since.

I drive for another hour before I spot a rundown motel on the side of the road. I wonder what Stranger Danger is doing right now. The chances of the wound not healing properly were high if he didn’t get the proper care fast enough.

A dash of guilt travels up my stomach and settles into my heart.

I neglected someone in need. But... Gun to your head, Marianne.

His jacket catches my eye as I gather my bags, thrown carelessly on the back seat. My sole focus was on my panic attack...

Did he forget it or left it in my car by mistake? A silver glint causes my eyes to widen. His gun. I gasped at the idea someone might see it. I stuffed it in my suitcase, hoping no one would notice. If someone found a gun in my car, the cops would have questions for me, and I could go to prison because I helped a deadly criminal escape the law. My uncle and his wife would discover why I was absent.

I step into the motel office and try to smile at the woman behind the desk. A fluorescent clock stares at me with its bright 7:30 flashing away.

The receptionist flashes a bright smile as she greets me. “Hello, welcome to The Dodo-on-the-road. How can I help you?”