Page 19 of Runaway Hearts: Seduced by Danger

Loving Eric was bad, but the suicide attempt scarred my soul.

But it’s not too late to change the course of history. I wipe my eyes and run to my car. No more foolishness, I tell myself when I sit and start the engine.

As my tires squeal, I glance at the store’s door.

The stinging in my fingers announces a panic attack. Now isn’t the time. But the need to flee causes panic.

It’s time to apply the knowledge of years of therapy.

I park in an alley a few kilometers from the mall, and in my mind’s eye, I walk to the ocean’s edge with the sea breeze, the seagulls’ cries, and the rasp of sand between my toes.

Anxiety has me in a powerful grip, crushing every breath out of my lungs and making my temples throb from the blood rush.

“Breathe...”

Sheltered in my mind, I slowly inhale the refreshing scent of the ocean, a mix of salt, seaweed, and mild fish. It’s an invigorating andcalming essence, soothing my soul and bringing peace to my mind. Its cool wisp carries the promise of a new day.

The sound of the waves is a rhythmic lullaby, with each wave providing a distinct note that blends to create a graceful melody.

“Feel the sand...”

The soft, grainy texture of the sand is invigorating. It’s a small reminder of the power of nature. The tiny grains massaging my feet offer a gentle, relieving sensation.

“I have the right to be calm.”

But the clenched muscles of my back tell me otherwise, as do the whitening knuckles holding on to the steering wheel.

“Ah!”

The urge is just another polluting thought.

I’m not a slave to my thoughts.

My breath comes in quick gasps, every muscle in my body cramps, and my heart thrashes in my chest.

“It’s okay. I’m in control.”

I must tame this terrifying inner chaos before it swallows me whole. A beast of shame and self-doubt rages within, fueled by the constant need to stand my ground without causing any inconvenience.

It threatens to rip me apart, tearing at the very fabric of my being.

I can’t escape myself, and it horrifies me.

“Stop! Stop! Stop!” I scream until my throat burns.

While tears stream down my cheeks, the unpleasant physical manifestations of my panic subside. The number of panic attacks I’ve had today is unsettling. I haven’t had a panic attack in three months.

If only my suicide attempt had been successful…

A bitter taste floods my mouth as I contemplate taking my medication, knowing it will only serve as a temporary band-aid solution to my larger issues.

But I should take it.

I want nothing to stand in the way of my plans for the beach, not even Stranger Danger. He’s a potential threat, a time bomb waiting to go off, and I refuse to let him ruin my vacation.

Sure, something about him made my heart fly, something electric and explosive that I can’t quite put my finger on. But it’s a distraction, a temporary moment of chemistry that would ultimately lead to disaster.

Right?

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