Tomorrow, we’ll disappear forever on our journey.

A loud noise jolts me, and I jump out of bed. But then I see Kai standing beside the bed, and fear grips me. My first thought is that we’ve been discovered, but Kai catches me around my waist with one arm.

“Oh, no!” he yells, throwing me back onto the bed. “I just fell off the bed. We’re safe.”

He jumps on top of me and takes off my T-shirt, burying himself in my chest. His hands slide under my tank top and stop at my back as he rests his head against my heart.

And then there’s nothing.

It was just a scare. Kai had a nightmare and needed comfort. He’s slumped on top of me, holding me so tightly that it’s a wonder how I can still breathe. I start singing softly and his breathing becomes steady and calm again after twenty minutes.

His heart hammers against my stomach. I don’t know what he’s dreaming about, but to see this man so scared makes me want to cry.

“You’re safe, Kai. It was just a bad dream,” I assure him.

“Marianne, I can’t do this without you. I need you; I need this.” He squeezes me so tightly my ribs might burst.

I pat his back, trying to calm him. “What are you dreaming of?”

He sighs. If we’re truly together, I need to understand him completely.

“I see eyes... the eyes of the men I’ve killed. My mother’s disapproving gaze at who I am. My father’s laughter as he stands over my lifeless body. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying so hard,” he admits, choking up with emotion. He pauses, takes a deep breath, and loosens his grip on me slightly.

I breathe again.

The warmth of his body on mine soothes me.

His presence is carved into my soul like a necessity.

“I’m trying. But I’m so stressed…”

“Baby, you’re doing a great job. I’m stressed, too.”

He looks at me with confusion in his eyes. “About what?”

“I’m afraid that you’ll abandon me. That you’re going to lose patience one day and hit me,” I say, revealing my fears to him, hoping he understands my vulnerability in this instant.

Kai sighs again and releases me. The absence of his touch frustrates me beyond belief, but I know he needs space right now. He rests his head on a pillow and looks at the ceiling. He turns to me after a time that seems like forever. Face to face, our eyes riveted. His hand grabs a lock of hair, and he appreciatively lets it flow between his fingers. I’m amazed by his ability to be tender even in moments of distress.

“I’m so sorry you went through it all,” Kai whispers in a guilty tone. “I promise I won’t ever abandon you or hit you.” He closes his eyes. Intense reflection distorts his features. “When I see you, Marianne, I see all we could be. I’m aware of the absurdity of our situation. Of how I feel about you. But the feelings are there. I’m in love with you. And even if you’re scared, I can’t help it.”

His eyes open and meet mine, but I can’t decipher the sincerity behind his words in the darkness.

“Kai, have you ever been in love?”

“No.”

Oh, shit. I’m Kai’s first love.

“Well, then, how do you know?”

His eyes probe me. “You’re the first person who understands me so well. Sometimes, I think you’re in my head.”

Well… Same for me.

Despite the darkness, I distinguish his smile.

“I’m known in Winnipeg for being a real bastard. That’s something I can’t deny. Yet, in front of you, I’m intimidated. I’m losing myself. In Nay, I thought I was dying because it was so intense between us. It went way beyond sex for me. When you touch me, nothing exists butyou. In my life, I’ve never truly belonged anywhere... until now, with you. And I don’t want to live without this sensation that comes over me when I hold you.” A small laugh escapes him as he adds, “You’re like a drug, and I’m completely addicted.”