Page 125 of Merciless Queen

“Love makes you vulnerable. Makes it hurt. I love Katya too much to let her go, but I love her enough to honour her request to remain in the past. Which is why I slink through her present among the shadows. I love her enough to watch her design herown happy ending, on her terms, and away from everything this life brings with it. Even if it means watching her with other men, while I love her too much to move on myself. That’s why you’re lucky, Vanessa. It’ll never hurt for you.”

The door shuts behind him, the softclickechoing around the empty room—and my hollow heart.

He’s right. Love does make a person vulnerable, but not in the ways he described.

Love leaves a person vulnerable to others’ control. By mingling one another’s lives, it allows the other to slip into the empty places. But those places were empty for so long before their poison seeps between the edges and pushes the person out, until they’re on the outside of their own life, watching what they had pass by them.

Dimitri’s also right in the ways I’m lucky. I’ll never give myself to another, so no one will have that opening. I’ll never bow to another. Never be a pretty decoration for a man. Even if I entertained Dimitri’s suggestion and gave up trying to end the contract, there will be a time when Zeno will act on his words and try to take my organization for himself.

I didn’t work this hard tohandit to him.

It’s been two days since I’ve spoken to him, and I’ve promised myself it’ll be the final time. Except every night before bed when I do a final check of any important notifications, I find myself staring at his name in the recent calls page.

Not with disdain either, but rather, a wave of memories. One of our run around his property, and the things we talked about. When I ran from him and he was on top of me and kissed?—

“Stop,” I whisper aloud, pushing away from the desk again, this time remaining by the window. The forest around us stretches far, the sun caressing the treetops. It’s the same sun that shone down on us when we kissed. When I let myself go,falling into the sensations that Zeno creates. The sun in which Zeno eclipsed, ensuring he was all I saw.

Fuck.This is why my lawyers need to find an end to this. So this link will shatter between us and I’ll get my mind back. I’ll be able to focus and stop thinking about him. Stop spending energy wondering what he’s doing at any given time of the day.

My fist thumps against the glass, my head resting on it until my breath fogs up the immediate area. With a sigh, I squeeze my eyes shut and try to push it all from my mind.

Pushhimfrom my mind.

But every day passing, it becomes more and more difficult.

It’s beena week since last speaking to Vanessa, and I find myself thinking about her more than I should.

In that time, I’ve busied myself by visiting Serafina when I can, completing the necessary rounds through the businesses, and denying every offer my lawyers pass from hers to me.

Nothing works. I sit at my desk, imagining her focused and determined on her own tasks. I lie in bed, cock hard, recalling the feel of her heat, craving more. I stare at the lawn, remembering her beneath me, and the way she responded to me.

I picture it all and more…and none of it’s enough.

None of it makes sense. There’s no reason for my thoughts to be clinging to a woman who despises the very air I breathe. We may have had a short connection while she was here, may have agreed to peace for Serafina’s sake, but the facts don’t change. She hates me, and I hate her family.

Her family…but not her.I hate how she makes me feel. How she makes me want to know more about her. Know what she looks like in the morning. Know all her secrets and fears. Know what makes her smile and laugh.

I’m picking up my phone before I consider my actions, all the while knowing there’s little likelihood of a response. I type the first topic that shemightreply to.

Me

Your lawyers are working hard to get out of this.

Nothing…

Nothing…

Bubbles appear, and victory has me clinging to those three dots like they’re a lifeline.

Vanessa:

I want out. Marriage isn’t in my skill set.

Me

Maybe it is. Give it a shot.

Vanessa

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