What if she finds out about the cover-up?
I know the answer to that well enough. Everything I’d worked so hard to protect – everything others had sacrificed for me – would come crashing down around me. But even as panic claws at my throat, another part of me feels… lighter. For the first time, I’d shared some of the weight I’d been carrying.
And… she’d listened. She hadn’t judged. She’d just been there.
"No," I mutter, shaking my head. "Don’t go there."
I can’t afford to think like that. Lily isn’t a therapist. She’s a journalist. Her job is to uncover secrets, to tell stories. My story. And I can’t let that happen. But try as I might, I’m unable to banish the memory of her touch.
The softness of her skin…
The curves of her body pressed against mine…
The little gasp she’d made when I’d kissed her neck…
"Jesus Christ," I hiss, a bulge forming in my boxers in response to the memory. This is the last thing I need.
I grab a towel and head for the shower, cranking the water as cold as it will go. As the icy spray hits my skin, I force myself to focus. I have to get it together. I can’t let this… whatever it is with Lily… throw me off my game.
Or breach my defenses.
By the time I step out of the shower, my resolve has hardened, even though my cock has softened. I’d made a mistake last night, but I can fix it. I dress quickly, then stare at my reflection in the mirror. The man looking back at me is the Carter Knox everyone expects to see – cool, collected, untouchable.
That is who I need to be.
Taking a deep breath, I square my shoulders and head for the door. Team breakfast awaits, and with it, the chance to put last night firmly behind me. As I ride the elevator down to the hotel restaurant, I steel myself for what is to come. I’ll push Lily away, rebuild my walls stronger than ever.
I’ll be the Carter Knox everyone thinks they know–hard, focused, impenetrable.
I have no other choice. The alternative… well, that isn’t something I can afford to consider, no matter how much part of me wants to get involved with Lily. The elevator doors slide open, and I step out, my game face firmly in place. Whatever happens next, I’m ready.
Or so I hope.
LILY
My stomach churns with a mix of anticipation and dread as I push open the doors to the hotel restaurant. The team is already gathered, their voices a low rumble punctuated by the clink of cutlery against plates. My eyes immediately seek Carter, finding him at a table in the far corner.
Alone.
As I make my way to the buffet, I try to catch his eye, but Carter keeps his gaze firmly fixed on his plate. The set of his jaw is tight, his shoulders rigid beneath his team-issued polo shirt. Gone is the man who’d opened up to me last night, replaced by the stone-faced Carter Knox I’d first met.
I grab a yogurt and some fruit, barely tasting it as I chew. My mind keeps replaying snippets of our conversation from the night before, the raw emotion in Carter’s voice as he’dmentioned the pressure he was under. And then there was the kiss. My cheeks flush at the memory.
"You okay there, sweetheart?" Tank’s voice startles me out of my thoughts. "You’re looking a little flustered."
I force a smile. "Warm in here," I lie, tugging at the collar of my blouse. "Like your chances in the game back home tomorrow?"
As Tank launches into a detailed answer, I find my gaze drifting back to Carter. A rookie has joined his table, and he’s listening, nodding along with a neutral expression. But there’s something different about him today, a new tension in the set of his shoulders that hadn’t been there before.
I realize with a pang that last night’s vulnerability has been completely buried. In its place is an even harder shell, as if Carter is overcompensating for the moment of weakness he’d shown, keeping everyone else even further away from his core than usual.
"Earth to Lily," Tank’s voice breaks through my thoughts again. "You sure you’re okay? You seem distracted."
I blink, forcing myself to focus on Tank. "Sorry, just thinking about my next story. You know how it is."
Tank nods, but his eyes narrow slightly. "Right. Well, if you need any more pearls of wisdom, you know where to find me."
As he walks away, I can’t shake the feeling of disappointment settling in my chest. I’d thought I’d made a breakthrough with Carter. But now, watching him interact with teammates as if nothing had happened, I realize how fleeting that moment had been, and now it’s buried deep.