I didn’t see Colt or David all day until I heard my adoptive father return from his shed. He was washing up in one of the huge sinks in the utility area by the back door. The smell of chemicals from the taxidermy he’d been doing was thick in the air.
Coming from the main kitchen, I went to the doorway, trying not to be intimidated by his presence.
My skin itched with restlessness. Now that I’d done all my chores, I ventured to request what I knew both me and my wolf needed. “David, I wondered if I could go to the woods and practice channeling my wolf?”
My heartbeat doubled in time as if I were about to ask for the Earth, but it was natural for any shifter who’d just come into their power to want to venture outside into nature and the wild to use it.
My adoptive father took his time washing his hands and, only then, turned around to fix his blue stare on me. He knew I’d have come into my wolf since I’d had my Moondream. But far from looking remotely interested in me transforming, he only deigned to ask, “Have you done all your chores?”
I nodded, adding, “There’s a stew in the slow cooker for dinner later.”
He gave me a curt nod.
I was used to David being cold, but I had believed that things would be different after I’d come into my wolf. In my head, I’d excused his indifference to me as being because I wasn’t truly one of the pack without my wolf.
I held my breath, not wanting to do anything that might take away the little bit of freedom that the outside promised me.
Finally, David said, “You can go to the woods, Billie, but make sure you don’t go far and stay away from Gavin.”
Frustration zipped through me. It wasn’tmewho’d gone to find Gavin after the Moondream.He’dcomehere. Both David and Catrina were acting as if I were to blame for what had happened last night. But the more I thought about it, it was the Grandbay Alpha who had caused this mess. He’d come here and caused a scene and tore me down in front of my entire adoptive family.
You’re not enough.
But none of that mattered, I reminded myself. My heart thumped wildly. David had allowed me out. I nodded in understanding to David, and then I turned quickly to the door, hurrying out into the cool evening. I wandered into the meadow, stopping to admire the larkspur and phlox that were getting even more fragrant as spring sprung. Dipping my nose into their centers, my spirits lifted a little. Vana’s blooms were always a balm to my soul.
But despite the clear evening, the beauty of the springtime meadow was clouded. Longing to turn back the clock, to retreat to the safety of the world as it had been yesterday, caught me up. I kept seeing the disgust edging Gavin’s hazel eyes. I was used to having Catrina and David look at me like that, but … Gavin was supposed to be my fated mate. He was supposed to look at me as he had done in the moon pool: withdesire and consideration.
I wandered into the woods but knew deep down that I didn’t have the energy necessary to unleash my wolf. I called to her, but it was as if she had her tail between her legs. She slunk deep into me instead, refusing to surface as if she wanted to curl up deep in her den.
I get you.
She was as blue as I felt. It figured. The memory of Gavin’s hand on her sandy-colored shoulder went through me. He’d rejectedher, too. Instead of practicing, I sat down on the edge of the meadow and breathed in the perfume of the wildflowers in the air.
That’s where Colt found me. He strode toward me, his long legs quickly eating up the distance between us, and threw himself down beside me.
“Sorry, I’ve not been around all day,” he said. “Dad had me take three orders up to folks in Denver.”
I nodded, looking out at the frothy flowers dappling the grasses. David sold some of his taxidermy to the public, and clearly, he’d thought Colt acting as his delivery boy was more important than him being around to comfort me. I wasn’t surprised. But I really could have done with a friendly face about the place today.
“How are you doing?” he asked. I felt his eyes on me, but I stared out ahead at the meadow. I shrugged, unsure of where to even begin in trying to untie the snarled and tangled knots that I was made of at the moment. So, I focused on other people. “Catrina’s been giving me daggers all day, and David’s not in the least bit interested that I can channel my wolf now.”
“That’s great—” Colt began. When my eyes raked him in confusion, he chuckled. “Not that those two are as hideous as ever, but that you’ve transformed,” he said, the huge, easy-going smile on his face making me feel both lighter and stupid for what I’d said.
I quickly explained, “Well, I haven’t actually transformed, but I can feel my wolf there, now, you know.” My shoulders sagged as I let out a sigh. “She’s just not in the mood to come out today.”
Colt’s expression grew earnest. “That’s understandable, Billie. But tomorrow or soon at least, you’ll meet her for real. And if you need any help, I’m here, okay?”
Colt’s kindness made me tear up, and I looked at him through watery eyes, hoping he knew how grateful I was to him for always being here for me. He was only a year older than me, but Colt had been like a big brother to me. I remembered once when I’d fallen out of a tree as a kid, he carried me back in hisarms so gently and caringly. A flash of him and me, lying out on the chasm rocks above the canyon, watching for the nesting peregrine falcons, came to me. For years, we’d done that every spring. And, I realized, it would soon be time to steal out in the early hours of the morning onto the canyon and look for them.
Colt had been my only real friend over the years. As we’d all been home-schooled, there hadn’t been any scope for me to make friends outside of the Hexens and the Dalesbloom Pack. And as Catrina and the rest of the pack had made it abundantly clear, I wasn’t a real member of the pack.
As my tears brimmed over, Colt pulled me into him. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He squeezed me to him, and I breathed in the ginger and lime body gel and the scent of fresh air from him. I felt as if I could be that five-year-old little girl again, with the broken bone, except this time it was my heart. I thought of the pack healer and how quickly he reset the bone and put it in a sling back then. Why couldn’t life now be as simple?
“I wish I’d never gotten my wolf,” I confessed to Colt. “I wish I could go back to before the Moondream.”
Colt ran his hand up and down my arm, and then he said gently, “I’d never have rejected you if we were fated mates, Billie.”
One of the knots in my chest loosened. Why couldn’t everyone be as kind as Colt? A prickle of warmth went through me as part of me wished that Vana could have made my life simpler and showed me Colt in that Moondream.