Page 155 of Tainted

“Having his baby means embracing everything that comes with him. That’s not the kind of life you want to bring a child into or build a family around."

I glanced up at her, and Rajah shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I know every nigga getting money in this city and how they’re doing it, even if it is our boss and his brother. Deep down, you knew it too. That’s why you’re so mad at yourself, but being mad won’t make you unpregnant.”

The truth cut too close. Somewhere between the late-night conversations and how Kenyon moved around specific topics, I knew there was more to him than he let on. I just didn’t want to acknowledge the possibility that I was falling for a man with secrets too big to ignore.

“Another reason I shouldn’t be anybody’s mother.”

“What did I say about the pity party!” She threatened, holding her fingers out as a warning. “Being a mother isn’t about being perfect. It’s doing the best you can and showing up. So if you want this baby, have it and show up. If you don't, we can stage a fall to cover up the abortion because there’s no way in hell you can keep your man if you don’t.”

Nothing Rajah said was funny, but I found humor in the lengths she would go to help me.

“Aww, you do love me!” My hands flew to my chest in a dramatic fashion that made Rajah stick her finger down her throat. Watching the motion made me want to throw up everything I consumed at brunch.

“Just don’t go telling everybody,” Rajah complained.

“Oh, I’m shouting it from the rooftop.”

“You’re like that annoying ass sister Ineverasked my mama for, but I like having you around to be a pain in my ass.” she finally cracked a smile and pulled me in for a much-needed hug, “So don’t fret my dear. Titi has your back and leave that damn baby with its daddy when all else fails.”

I hugged Rajah tightly, thankful for her honesty and eager to escape the weight of my thoughts. When I pulled up to Nana’s I smiled at her sitting on the porch enjoying the afternoon breeze.

“Brunch must have done you some good. You look happier,” she smiled as I sat down.

“Girl time is always good. How are you feeling today?”

“Any day I can sit on my porch is a good day.”

“I missed sitting out here with you.”

“Hopefully, I live long enough to sit out here with your baby.”

Thankfully, she couldn’t see my eyes widen, staring at the cars passing by.

“What are you talking about, woman?”

“Oh please. I know you and Kenyon are having sex. Those bowed legs tell me he’s good at it, too. The kind of good that makes you slip up and not use condoms.”

“Alright, I’m going inside now,” I groaned, pushing up from the porch swing, “Call me if you need anything.”

She chuckled, amused at her own wit, “You too.”

“Brandy got more bad news. She might need some extra love today.”

“Otto?” she asked, and I nodded. “It seems like all he brings is bad news.”

“And a new girlfriend.” Banana Girl shifted to me faster than I’d seen her move since I’d returned. “She made a long post on Facebook and tagged Otto so Brandy saw it.”

“She better let Egg Head’s new dummy deal with it and move on with her life.”

I laughed it off and made my way upstairs, determined to devise a plan for my future. Rajah was right. There was no point in wallowing in pity. The sun dipped low, casting a soft, orange hue across the sky, thinking about what I wanted. Dance was still at the center of it because I wasn’t ready to give up on that yet. I just hoped my body cooperated post-pregnancy.

Kenyon tapping on the door before pushing it open interrupted my thoughts. He didn’t say anything at first. Just leaned against the doorframe watching me. That had become a new habit he’d picked up since Kross called out my pregnancy.

“I didn’t run away. I’m still here in one piece,” I announced, breaking the silence.

“Good.

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