Page 146 of Tainted

29

Zara

Iwoke up the following day, my mind swirling with emotions I didn’t know how to untangle. There was no point in pretending to sleep any longer. With a heavy sigh, I sat up and found Kenyon sitting against the wall, his dark eyes glued to me. Last night revealed a lot, and I didn’t know what he was thinking or what was next.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“I don’t know what to feel right now,” I admitted.

Kenyon nodded with his head hanging before looking up at me. His long bowlegs were stretched out in front of him.

“Doesn’t matter how ugly it is, I just need the truth. I need that from you.” Kenyon tormented himself all night, likely sitting in that same spot.

Love makes you feel weird things, like compassion for the man with more secrets than he let on. Kross and John wanted to blame me, but I was a small pawn in a much bigger game. My heart was heavy and confused, yet I somehow wanted to crawl between Kenyon’s gapped legs and fall asleep.

“You can’t ask me for the truth and not give me the same.”

Kenyon closed his eyes like he was fighting to stay calm before reiterating. He wasn’t the only one who spent all night mulling over the facts. I did, too, and It was deeper thanpossiblymurdering two people.

“It’s something illegal. I know that much, but I need to hear it from you.”

Kenyon was struggling. Usually, when he shut down and made his mind up, he stood in it confidently. Today, he was torn.

“The things I kept from you weren’t my secrets to tell, but you’re choosing to shut me out!” I raged.

“It’s some shit I just can’t tell you because it puts us both at risk. I tell you everything I can. All the important shit, you got that and more.”

“Guess what? I’m already at risk! This baby is at risk! We’re already killing it as parents.”

“Why the fuck would you say some shit like that?”

Regardless of where we were now, this baby was made in love. I wanted to keep it, but part of that decision felt selfish. There was no room for selfishness in parenting. It was all about sacrifice and doing uncomfortable things for the betterment of your child. After last night, I couldn’t help but wonder if this baby would be better off without me and Kenyon.

“You wanna get rid of it.” It wasn’t exactly a question, more like an assumption causing him to unravel just from the thought. “How the fuck am I supposed to trust you. Trust that you got me, and the first sign of trouble, you’re ready to kill our baby and jump ship?”

“I don’t know, Kenyon!” I yelled, bursting into tears. My body felt hot from the inside out, trying to reconcile so many things at one time. “I don’t have the answers. I’m scared, pregnant and alone! I need you, but you’re not here.”

His forehead creased at the audacity of me to say something like that. “I’m right here!”

“Physically, yes, butKenyonis not here. You’re not here with me! I am alone!”

The rage in my rant froze him for a moment, and then he stepped forward to console me, but I moved backward. Right now, I wanted the next best thing to my mom, and that was Banana Girl.

“Banana Girl. That’s what I need right now,” I advocated.

Autumn Grove seemed awful back then, but this conversation with Kenyon was much worse. At least there, I had Mom’s lap when I got stressed, but I was all alone here. Being a grown-up wasn’t about freedom and doing what I wanted like I thought. It was a complex web of problem after problem.

“Alright," he conceded, letting out a weary sigh.We’regoing to Banana Girl’s. Get your stuff, and we’ll get you something to eat on the way.”

I didn’t waste time arguing about space I wouldn’t get from him. Kenyon complained about me not trusting him, but he didn’t trust me either. Until this was sorted out, I had a feeling he’d be joined at my hip, so I gathered my belongings.

The room was quiet as we maneuvered around, preparing for the day. The quietness carried into the car, where only music flowed through the speakers until Kross called. They shared a short conversation, Kross carrying most of it before Kenyon said he’d call him back so he could ask what I wanted to eat. It was hard to think about food, but it wasn’t about me for now.

We finally reached Banana Girls, and I went upstairs, knocking on her bedroom door and letting myself in.

“My Zara, I didn’t expect to see you so early.”

“I missed you,” I smiled while kicking off my shoes.

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