Page 76 of Time to Bounce

Hi, Ms. Athena. This is Winston at 15034 Eleventh Street. I know this is a weird thing to say, but we have a neighbor that’s listening to some really loud… stuff.

I winced.

Me:

I’ll call. Or text.

I’d definitely text, because I had a phobia of calling people.

The best thing that had ever happened to me was when all the food places started creating their own apps where you could place your order rather than calling it in. Now if I could only get 911 or my doctor’s office to go to text, we’d be cooking.

Winston Herman-15034:

Thank you. Appreciate it. My wife is losing her mind.

I could imagine.

Winston and his wife, Shirley, were from a time when women stayed at home, men worked. You went to church every Sunday, and you had as many kids as you could have. Oh, and you spied on your neighbors and complained about them all the time.

Well, Shirley, Winston’s wife, was the complainer.

Winston just went with the flow, because what else could he do but keep the peace at home?

I heard a low, long moan come from the neighbor’s house, and thought… fuck it.

I didn’t call the cops.

That wasn’t the way to get scary people like Nick McKinney to trust me.

Instead, I texted him.

Me:

Hey, Nick. I’m sorry, but can you keep it down? I have a few neighbors that are wanting to call the cops on you because your, erm, ‘music’ is too loud.

It wasn’t music, and we both knew it.

Nick:

What music?

It wasn’t music.

It was porn.

Really loud porn.

And by the looks of it, it was on the loudspeaker, and he didn’t realize it.

I sent him a video.

Me:

see attached.

There were gray dots dancing on the screen for a while before he finally replied.

Nick:

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