Page 175 of Holiday Hire

I barely sleep throughout the night. I finally can't handle any more music and have to take off my headphones.

When the rooster crows, I hear Alexander get up. He knocks on the door softly, but I don't answer.

I wait until I hear the front door shut and then I glance out the window.

He walks across the yard to the corral. Mason and Jagger are already guiding two horses inside it.

I get out of bed and go into the bathroom. I take a shower, try to get rid of my puffy eyes, and get dressed. I do my hair and makeup, forcing myself to look as nice as possible for the boys' sake.

Over and over, I tell myself that no matter what, I need to stay away from Alexander. The communication I do have to have with him needs to be strictly professional.

All day, I dive into doing all the holiday things with the Cartwrights, faking a cheerful attitude the whole time. I avoid any moments where I might be alone with Willow, not wanting to answer any of her questions. Anytime she looks at me, it's all over her face. Ruby is just as concerned, but I assure her I was only sick with food poisoning, and today, I'm fine.

Every moment I spend with the boys makes my heart ache. I didn't think I could love two kids so much, but I do. I love them like they're my own. Soon, I'm going to be leaving them. It's just as painful as Alexander not loving me.

The excruciating agony digs into my soul, mixing with the ache I can't shake off. At the end of the day, I go back to my room, avoiding Alexander again, and I pull out my laptop.

I search for employment but don't know where to look. I debate about whether to stay in Texas or find something in another state, but I decide it's best if I can get as far away from Alexander as possible.

A position for an art teacher pops up. I click on it, and my heart races. It's in Alaska—a place I've never been. The frozen state seems like a good place for me to disappear. So, I apply for several nanny positions and a few teaching jobs.

Before I know it, people are responding to me, even though it's the week of Christmas. There's a shortage of teachers, and they're desperate to fill positions for the start of the new year.

I don't really want to return to the classroom. In a perfect world, I'd stay here or find another family to nanny for, but I need to be smart. I'm not independently wealthy, and I have no one to depend on but myself. I can't afford to be choosy right now.

One of the charter schools is offering not only employment but a subsidy for an apartment and food. It's a good deal on paper. I apply for it.

I pace my room for five minutes, then my computer dings. I check my laptop, and my stomach quivers. There's a response from one of the school principals.

Dear Miss Love,

Are you free to have a video chat? I'd love to discuss all our school can offer someone with your qualifications. Plus, Alaska has so much to offer its residents.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Corrine Dillard

My heart pounds hard against my chest. My fingers shake as I reply.

Dear Mrs. Dillard,

Yes, I can make a video chat happen. And I'd love to come to Alaska. When is a good time for us to speak?

Thank you for your consideration,

Phoebe Love

29

Alexander

Two Days Before Christmas

The last few days have been horrible. I can't eat or sleep. Anytime I try to talk to Phoebe, she avoids me. But even if she would talk to me, I'm unsure what I'd say.

I don't want her to leave, but I also can't risk my boys getting hurt. She means more to me than Cheyenne ever did, but I don't know how to mesh my dating life with my kids. They got handed the short stick when their mom died. I don't want to mess things up with Phoebe and then they get screwed again.

I've already destroyed us.

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