Page 26 of Thorns of Malice

"So I hear," I say, having heard that phrase a thousand times in Sex Addicts Anonymous. And it makes me curious.

Matt goes to rise, but I grab his arm. "Matt, wait."

He sits back down.

I take a deep breath. "I don't mean to pry, but did they mess with you sexually?"

Matt's face hardens. He nods and doesn't say anything.

My stomach flips faster. I shouldn't ask him, but I have to know. "And do you get sexual urges that you can't control? Are…" I take a deep breath. "Are you a nymphomaniac?"

He gapes at me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

He puts his hand on mine. "No, I'm not. But is that what you're experiencing?"

Shame fills me, and I curse myself for asking him about his personal life. Of course he's not a nympho like me. There's something deep inside of me, something internal, that's making me the addict I am.

Maybe it's time I stopped blaming Dax for what I've become.

I quickly add, "Forget I said anything. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you."

"Ivy, Dax just created three new drugs you need to research."

I freeze. "What kind of drugs?"

"Drugs to counteract Bobby's father's date rape drug."

The walls start to close in on me. I barely choke out, "Date rape drug?"

"Yeah, it's called Trance. Well, that's the street name for it. When it's given to people too many times or in too high of a dose, they become sex addicts. They can't help themselves. And Dax created some drugs to counteract it. My guess is all the lawsuits Bobby had against him weren't lies, and he had been using it on his prey."

The room spins. I put my hand over my stomach, swallowing down bile, trying to understand what Matt's saying.

He continues, "Ivy, if you're experiencing problems, Dax has a drug to stop it getting worse. There's even one to reverse it, butit has some side effects. But they can test you now to see if you were given the drug and even pinpoint the dates or if it was more than once."

My insides quiver. I can barely look at Matt, claiming, "I couldn't have been raped. I couldn't have. I remember it all. I-I-I wanted it," I admit, tears of shame filling my eyes and falling down my cheeks. I look away, wiping my face.

Matt puts his hand on my arm. "Ivy, that doesn't mean they didn't drug you. The drug does that. You should get tested for it. If they gave it to you, it makes you do things you would never do. And the urges you have only get worse with time."

My lips quiver harder. I stare at Matt in shock.

He insists, "Ivy, promise me you'll go get tested. At least you'll know either way."

I don't say anything, trying to comprehend it. Then I run into Jaxon's bathroom and throw up.

Would Dax have really done that to me?

When I return to Jaxon's office, Matt asks, "You okay?"

I nod. "Yeah."

Matt stares at me a moment, then his face hardens.

"You're making me nervous," I admit.

He blurts out, "If you want to piss Dax off, use the others."

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