Page 13 of Thorns of Malice

No matter how much he tried to not fuck me this last week, he didn't win. And I always know that the threat to find somebody else to go fuck will get him to do what I want.

That's the thing about Jaxon and me. If I'm with him, then he knows I'm safe.

It's not a jealousy or control thing. If I found someone to date who treated me well, he'd be happy for me.

But I don't date. I'm only interested in getting what I need and moving on. Dax taught me a lesson I'll never forget.

Your heart is yours, so keep it. Giving it to anyone will only end up with it broken. And it's not worth the pain.

So I'm never allowing anyone to have my heart again. But that doesn't stop me from having frequent sexual encounters with different partners.

One time, I admitted in Sex Addicts Anonymous that I was frequenting a sex club and participating in anything I could, including some masochistic things I never want to do again. Those scared me, so I switched to random hookups online, which was even more unpredictable.

Jaxon didn't like it. He warned me I wasn't staying safe. We got into it, and I ignored his warning.

Then a girl choked to death at the club. It was all over the news, and I decided he was right. So we came to an agreement.

If either of us needed to go on a bender, we'd discuss it. Whatever we needed—threesomes, foursomes, guys, girls,whatever—Jaxon would ensure whoever we were fucking was safe. And we'd do everything at a high-end hotel he'd pay for so after we fed our demons, we could go back to our normal life.

I've stuck to our agreement…most of the time. There have been a few lapses, but I didn't feel safe like when I was with Jaxon. So it's been a long time since I deviated from our agreement. But I'm desperate and will do it if needed. I threaten, "I guess I'll go to the club tonight."

He doesn't say anything, gripping the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white, eyelids lowering into slits.

I settle in next to him, telling myself it'll be fine. As soon as we get to his place, he won't have a choice, and we'll both get what we need, just like we always do.

He pulls into his garage and unlocks my door. We get out of the car and go into his house.

It's large, but it's nothing like the main house on the Carrington estate. Jaxon has money, but I assume it's way less than anything Dax's family has.

Jaxon leads me through his house to the kitchen. He pulls out a chair. "Sit down, Ivy."

I don't obey. Instead, I slide my ass on the table and put my feet on the chair, moving my dress up and widening my legs. "Is this what you want? Me to sit here so you can stare at my pussy, and I can be a good little slut for you?"

He closes his eyes, and a frustrated breath comes out. He mutters, "Don't talk like that."

"You know I'm a dirty whore you can't resist," I continue, feeling the same rush of adrenaline I used to get when I'd say these things for Dax.

"Stop calling yourself that," he orders, clenching his jaw.

"Come here, Jaxon." I curl my finger and bat my lashes like Avery always did.

He doesn't move, his chest rising and falling faster.

I get off the table and take two steps toward him. I put my fingers on his chest, crawling them until I reach his lips. I murmur, "One more time, Jaxon. That's all."

He grabs my wrist. His eyes fling open. "Ivy, you just buried your father. This isn't the way we're going to handle this."

Rage fills me. "Who are you to act all moral? Don't you dare judge me, Jaxon. You, of all people, don't get to do that!" I begin sobbing, and grief, shame, and guilt hit me so hard I can't handle it. I'm soon wailing with Jaxon's arms around me.

He holds my head to his chest. "Shh. Ivy, it's okay. Everything's going to be okay."

"It's not. It'll never be okay. I destroyed my father's life." I sob, and another storm of tears erupts.

"No, you didn't. You couldn't have," Jaxon claims.

"I did. You know what happened ten years ago. You know I got him fired."

Jaxon was in the Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting when I finally confessed how I got there, what had happened to me, and how those sexual encounters I had on the Carrington estate and at the sorority house somehow changed me. I don't know how, but they did. Since then, there's been no going back, and Jaxon knows all about it.

---