Page 124 of Thorns of Malice

I shake my head. "You've already drugged me once."

"I didn't drug you."

"You gave me birth control."

"You agreed to it."

"I agreed to everything, didn't I? Every manipulative, sordid thing you wanted, I agreed to!"

He clenches his jaw.

The tension ratchets up, and the air in my lungs grows thicker.

He asks, "Are you claiming you wanted to have a kid when we were in college?"

The statement he made all those years ago about wanting tons of babies with me when we were ready fills my head. It causes more pain over what we'll never have.

Dax lowers his voice. "Ivy, I need some clarification."

"No, I didn't want to have a kid in college," I snarl.

The silence returns.

He breaks it, saying, "Come to the main house with me and take CogniShift."

"No."

"Why? It'll stop things from getting worse."

"I don't trust anyone anymore, especially you. The last thing I'm going to do is take another drug."

"Ivy—"

"It's time for you to go, Dax."

Pain explodes in his expression. He pleads, "Ivy, please. I love you. I wouldn't tell you to take it if I weren't sure it would work."

The agony of the past is too fresh. I hurl it all at him, pointing toward the door, announcing, "No, Dax. There's no love between us. I've used you. If anyone should understand what that's like, it's you. I'm nothing but your dirty whore who got you off. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out."

22

Ivy

All night, I've debated if I should take CogniShift or NeuroZap. If NeuroZap truly eliminates my addiction, even if I never have sex again, maybe I'm better off.

What would it be like to never want sex again?

I don't know what to do, but I also don't like the idea of taking another drug. It's a drug's fault that I ended up in this situation in the first place.

Yet, every day, my urges get worse. And I hated seeing how badly Dax wanted me to tell him I wouldn't sleep with anyone else. He doesn't have a right to ask me that. But even if I wanted to, I couldn't promise him. I know myself.

There's a knock on the door.

I answer it.

Kristen beams at me. "Good morning, Ivy."

"Hey, Kristen. How are you?"

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