Page 12 of Thorns of Malice

I turn toward the window, unable to see past the water running down the glass.

I need to feel anything but this.

"Take me to your place," I order.

Jaxon's voice turns darker than normal. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

My voice cracks. "Please."

He hesitates, and I think he's going to, but then he slowly shakes his head. "No, we have to stop this. This past week of all weeks, I shouldn't have let this go on."

A new anger fills me. It feels like the same rejection I experienced when Dax fired my father and wouldn't even listen to me when he kicked us off his property. It mixes with all my grief, making me feel hollower inside than ever before. But I'm not accepting Jaxon's answer. I question, "Are you going to make me beg?"

Jaxon sighs. "I won't let you do this."

"Do what?"

"I'm not going to take advantage of you while you're grieving your father's death."

I scoff. "Take advantage of me by doing the same things we've been doing for years?"

Guilt fills Jaxon's face, and I hate myself for making him feel that way, but I can't help it.

There's only one thing I know to do. Deep down, I know it'll only momentarily make me forget and feel something different, yet I'm desperate for it.

"It's not what you really need right now," Jaxon claims.

I reach for the door. "If you're not going to?—"

He reaches over and grabs my arm, ordering, "Ivy, stop."

Fresh tears fall, turning into another sob. I accuse, "This isn't the time for you to be all moral."

"Ivy—"

"It's not! You've come to me before. I've never denied you. I've never rejected you."

"I'm not rejecting you." He hits the lock button.

I huff through my tears. "That's a lie." I attempt to open the door, but he must have put the child lock on. I seethe, "If you don't want to fuck me, then let me out."

"No."

My entire body trembles. I blurt out, "So you're going to drop me off at my house so I can be all alone?"

He sighs. "You can stay at my place, but we're not having sex."

I tilt my head. "I'm coming to your place, but you're not going to fuck me?"

Determination fills his expression, and he shakes his head.

But I know Jaxon. His demons are just like mine. And I need what I need. So I add, "Okay. If you want to do it before we get to your place so you feel better, we can."

"Ivy, I'm bringing you to my place as a friend. That's it."

"You can't resist it, Jaxon, just like I can't. You know it," I declare, putting my hand on his thigh, feeling so desperate to have sex that I think I might explode.

He clenches his jaw, pulling out of the cemetery.

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