Page 109 of Thorns of Malice

The barren lawn and lake make the boathouse loom larger. I pant hard, and sweat covers me despite a sharp chill in the air.

I stare at the building with the urges I'm trying to eliminate growing stronger.

The memories of what Dax and I did in there make everything worse. As much as I hate how the footage from that night got broadcast to all of Clifton University, it felt like we grew closer.

At least, it did that night.

I fell further into the world of Dax Carrington and all the things I never imagined I'd do. And the highs I experienced weren't only physical. His love wrapped around me, sinking deep into my soul until I could only foresee a future with him.

His love wasn't real.

He used me to destroy me.

I shake my head, remembering how Lilly made me promise her I wouldn't disregard Dax's current gestures to try and earn my forgiveness.

He killed my father.

Did he?

I lived in constant fear for over a decade, worrying about Dad's heart.

Is it fair to blame Dax?

I have to get past this either way,I tell myself. I tear my gaze off the boathouse and run back toward the cottage. During the entire trek through the woods, I continue the debate, never making any solid decisions.

The cottage appears, and I slow down, then walk the last few yards, deciding I feel better. I climb the porch, go inside, and shower. I dry my hair and then stare at the dresses in the closet, with a buzz in my veins growing stronger until I feel crazy again.

I should go to dinner with Dax. He can fuck me, and I'll get this out of my system until the next wave.

When will that be?

They're coming faster and stronger.

I need him.

I reach for a dress and set it on the bed.

Don't do this.

Be strong.

I force myself to return to the closet, select a pair of jeans, and tug them on. Then I pull a sweater over my head.

My phone dings.

What does he want now?

I'm not going with him,I reiterate, then reach for the phone and stare at the screen.

Jaxon: I need to see you.

My stomach flips. I haven't thought about Jaxon since I got here. Part of me feels guilty. He's been a good friend to me. I should have checked in with him.

He doesn't know I'm here—in Connecticut or at the Carrington's estate. I told him I needed a few days to myself, then took some PTO days from work. He wouldn't approve of me being here. He would have tried to stop me. But once I saw the charity event online, I knew it was now or never.

I hate lying to Jaxon. My gut flips as I text him back.

Me: I went out of town. I needed to get away for a bit to clear my head. I'll let you know when I'm back.

---