Page 34 of Land of Monsters

Walking through, my gaze landed on Bitzy curled up on the pillow, her little snores making me instantly let out a breath of relief. Then my attention drifted to the other pillow.

Opie was naked, tied to the bedpost by the straps of the whip, his bare butt facing me, a pleasure feather between his toes.

“What the…” I slammed the door behind me and Opie’s head jerked over his shoulder, his cheeks instantly turning bright red.

“It’s not what it looks like…”

Chapter 8

Ash

?

My nerves crackled, the tension around me like an electrical fence. Swirling the ?uica in my cup, I kept myself tucked in a dark corner of the bar, my attention prowling the room like a hunting lion. The night brought in a steady stream of customers, already starting off the year with the same vices and sins.

Not even a month and a half ago, I would have been right there with them, blowing my mind out on fairy dust, alcohol, and sex. None of those seemed important to me anymore.

Two scantily dressed prostitutes had entertained the idea I might be up for it again, slinking up to me, trying to sit in my lap. My skin crawled at their touch. Within thirty seconds, they had their tails between their legs, running for safety.

I didn’t even recognize myself.

“What can I get you?” The barkeep had come up to me earlier, leaning on the bar, winking at me. “A drink or somethingstronger?” I knew he meant drugs.

Fairy dust.

“Drink. Whatever is cheap.”

He nodded, pouring the clear liquor into a tumbler and handing it to me. Sensing my mood, he retreated, staying at the other end of the bar.

I would never lose the initial craving for fairy dust, but I seemed to lose the desire for what it did. I no longer needed to dull my pain and strip myself of reality. I wanted to feel it all.

Because of her.

Downing a sip of the stomach-warming liquor, I shifted on my feet at the reminder that she was gone, and once again, I had failed. With her absence, my body seemed to long for her more, the sounds of her moans still echoing in my ear.

What the fuck was happening to me? I hadneverbeen this obsessed before. It was unsettling. When did my appetite shift from drugs and easy sex with several people to one girl who seemed to be an all-in-one addiction for me?

The wall to protect myself, to deny I felt anything for her, was there. The knee-jerk reaction to berate myself and flog her from my system because I didn’t deserve to be happy. I shouldn’t be able to move on.

Especiallywith her. Not that anything could come of it anyway.

I needed to mourn the two people I thought myself so in love with just a year ago.

There wasn’t a question that I loved Kek and Lukas, but I was starting to realize the way I loved them was different. I had known Raven for barely a month, and she knew me better than Lukas and Kek ever did. At that time, it wasn’t important to chat about our pasts or really talk much at all. We were in a physical relationship. We didn’t snuggle after sex; we passed out. We didn’t talk, we fucked, and if we did talk, it wasn’t about anything outside of the war and living another day. Going through Verhaza together bonded us past words, yet I realized how much of myself I kept from them, kept from everyone Ihad been seeing steadily. How little I knew about them. Sex was the only language we spoke, which, don’t get me wrong, was a fucking unbelievable way to communicate. It was my favorite pastime, but with Raven, there was more, which made me distressed.

Distressed that she could conjure more in me and distressed I hadn’t loved Kek and Lucas in the same way. They deserved better from me.

The contradicting emotions set me on edge, invoking impatience and crankiness. Plus, I had two maniacs upstairs sleeping off the mushrooms, giving me a small window before they woke up and wreaked havoc on this place again.

“Will you please stop scaring my workers?” Maestro strolled up, looking elegant in a black silk robe, blond wig, and glamour-style makeup.

“Is he here yet?” I had turned into a Neanderthal, a.k.a. Warwick.

“Not yet.” He sighed. “Will you relax? I will tell you when he is.” He rubbed his temples. “Today has been a day.”

My old nature of caring about people kicked in. “Why?”

“I think we have rats.” He motioned for the barkeep to bring him a soda water. Like Kitty, he stayed sober on the job, keeping a keen eye on his workers and business. “I found holes in my favorite robe this morning.”

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