Page 21 of Nanny for the Firefighter

I never finished college because of Jai’s shit, and it’s been one of my biggest regrets. At least if I had, I wouldn’t be so screwed regarding the types of jobs I can get.

I would have my degree, and that means something.

Right now, I’m just a failed singer who dropped out of college at the end of my sophomore year.

Spending this time with Mia, even if she is a bit shy, is like going back to my roots, and I’m actually enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would.

After a moment, Mia looks over at me and frowns, her eyes going to the door for a moment.

“Dada?”

I smile down at her, keeping my voice gentle. “He had to go to work, sweetie. But I’m his friend. I thought I’d play with you today.”

Mia gets upset, her little face turning red as she starts to cry.

“Oh, honey. It’s okay. He’ll be back for dinner.” She still whines, looking up at me and pointing at the door. “I know. But hey, your daddy said you like to read. Do you want to read a book?”

The tears pause for a moment, and Mia perks up a bit. “Books?”

“Yeah.” I smile and nod. “Do you want to readThe Very Hungry Caterpillar?”

Mason mentioned that it’s one of her favorites, and I know that a familiar item or game can help ease a kiddo’s anxiety.

“Cater, cater!”

She slides off the couch and runs toward the stairs, beginning to slowly climb them by herself. I have to imagine she’s going for the book, so I quickly follow her and help her get up to her room.

We get into her room, and Mia goes straight for the bookshelf at the back, grabbing the book. I turn on the light, and Mia plops right down on the floor in front of her crib with the book and opens it up, pointing.

I come over, sitting next to her on the floor, and begin to read the story. She points at all the pictures as I do, giggling at the silly parts.

The next several minutes are spent reading the book over and over until she goes and gets another one. This one is calledBlue Hat, Green Hat, and we repeat the process all over again.

After a few more books like that, Mia feels comfortable enough to show me her toys, making the animal sounds for each one.

We run back and forth through the halls pretending to be bears, and even though it’s only been about an hour, I adore this kid and am ready to do pretty much anything for her.

Still, I can’t help myself from wondering what it might have been like if I’d made the right decision all those years ago.

Would Mason and I have a daughter like this? What wouldshelook like? Or a son, for that matter?

I haven’t thought about having kids much. Jai never wanted them, and that was that.

Looking at Mia playing, my heart pinches with all the what-ifs, and it’s just like I worried it would be.

Regret and guilt and jealousy swirl together as I wish in vain that my life could have been different.

I didn’t get to be a mother when I may have been ready for it with Jai. I’m glad I never had a child with him, but I can’t help but feel like I’ve lost my chance.

And that sucks.

Still, Mia is beyond sweet, and if this is how I can soak up some of that kid love, I’ll take it.

SIX

Mason

I’ve checked my phone for a message from Bridget for the fifth time now. Still nothing.

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