Page 103 of Nanny for the Firefighter

I went home, for fuck’s sake. It was so stupid. I’ve put my family at risk. I’ve put Mason and his daughter at risk.

I never should have come back here.

I’m up off the floor in a hurry. I can’t think or hold still, and I find myself pacing back and forth through the kitchen, clutching my phone.

I have no idea who to call, if I even should call someone. And every molecule in my body wants to run.

He’s here. Obviously, I can’t stay. I’m putting everyone in danger if I do that. Jai’s just getting worse. I know it. I have to leave. I have to get out of here and never look back...go to Australia or something.

But as I turn around, facing the kitchen after another lap, I see the picture of me and Mia that I printed out and hung up on the fridge for her.

My chest cracks open down the middle, and everything spills out onto the floor as I look at it. I fall to my knees, the tears coming harder because…

“I don’t want to leave.”

I’ve been running for three years, and the truth is I’m exhausted. I’m tired of motels, dead-end jobs, and names that aren’t mine.

I’m tired of being scared all the time. I’m tired of never getting close to anyone, and I’m tired of believing that I’ll never have a moment of happiness again.

Even more, Iwantsomething. I want something real for the first time in so long.

I want to be with Mason. I want to be with him and his daughter, and I want us to be a family. I don’t want to leave my mother behind or my brother.

I won’t just roll over and let Jai continue to torment me.

Pulling myself up off the floor, I sniffle and wipe the tears away. I need to do something about this and I’m not sure what.

But I won’t run.

“I’m never running again. I’ll…I’ll tell someone. I haven’t been very good at handling this alone, so I’ll get help.”

I’m not sure who to start with. Should I tell Mason? My brother? My mother?

They won’t be able to do too much, either. Maybe I should go straight to the police.

Memories of the first time I tried to report something to them filter up into my mind. They wouldn’t help me because I had no proof.

I had no evidence that Jai was doing any of the things I said, and a lot of his attacks were also mental.

I was convinced I’d never be believed. But things are escalating now. Surely, they’d see that I’m not lying.

Right?

My confidence wavers, and I just stand there in silence. The kitchen doesn’t have any advice to offer, and I'm not sure what I should be doing next.

Except Mia is going to be waking up soon, and I have chores that need to be done. Maybe I’ll have a stroke of genius as I clean the house.

I tell myself to get moving, to go grab the boom and sweep up the crumbs from lunch, but I don’t move.

I’ve been in survival mode for so long, and I let my guard down. Jai is here, and I need to…I need to tell someone.

That’s what I should be doing.

The police may not believe me again, and I may not have tons of evidence, but Mason will trust me.

I know he will.

I just don’t know how I’m supposed to break the news to him. It’s not every day that your girlfriend has an ex who’s actively stalking her.

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