“Here.”
He left me leaning against the cold wall outside while he gently closed the door. The balcony looked out on the green grounds at the back of the hotel and was low enough that I could probably jump off without hurting myself.
Phantom’s face swung into view, obscuring the lantern-lit gardens swimming before my eyes. His proximity shot through my panic, making me a bit more aware. I hugged myself, shivering hard when the cold of the wall at my back registered.
“Breathe,” he said in a low murmur. “Take a deep breath for me, okay?”
I did as he said. Following directions was the easiest way to deal with difficult emotions. It had always been due to my conditioning. As long as I did what I was told, everything was perfect. My mother smiled, chatted with me, was happy. She told me I was good.
Now, I craved clear directions. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Every time I made my own choices, I turned out to be a failure.
It’s just a dress. A stupid dress. Does it really matter so much?
My heart hammered. I felt sick to my stomach, and my brain kept trying to find logic in my reaction. All my mother did was criticize my outfit and tell me I would meet my fiancé, which I had always known would happen sooner or later.
Why did I overreact like that?
“It’s crazy,” I mumbled, my voice scratching my tight throat. “I’m crazy.”
“Another breath, doll. You’re doing so well.”
I obeyed, something hot melting the numbness in my chest. He nodded, his eyes glowing softly silver.
“Good girl. Take another breath.”
But I shook my head. “No. Stop. This is… Stop praising me. I don’t deserve it.”
I gripped my arms hard, shielding myself from this desperate craving that clawed at my insides. God, I needed his kind words, but it was so pathetic. How could I be so dependent on another person’s opinion of me?
It was enough that I let myself get completely wrecked after just a few words from my mother.
I was supposed to be strong, independent, to break out of this cycle. Instead, I had this sudden desire to sit at Phantom’s feet, have him pet my hair and tell me good things. That image and that need were so powerful, I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep myself from asking for it.
Wanting such a thing made me weak. Even worse, it probably made me depraved.
“Oh yeah?” Phantom asked, his eye sockets flashing red for a moment so brief, I thought my eyes deceived me. “You just told me a big, fat lie, doll. It’s a lie that you don’t deserve good words. Just like everything your fu… yourhorriblemother said was a lie. You deserve all that’s good. You’re perfect, and you look gorgeous.”
I stared at him, my lips parted in confusion. He spoke with such vehemence, it took me aback. I had no idea where it came from.
“Well, one thing she said was definitely true, though,” I muttered, shivering again while a cold ball of icy fear lodged deep in my guts. “I’ll have to meet him. This… this man.”
I couldn’t bring myself to speak his ridiculous name out loud. Who even named their sonAdonis? And why didn’t I know anything about him? The name was so unusual, it should have rang a bell.
“Not necessarily,” Phantom said with an eerie smile. “Say a word and I’ll make him disappear.”
I laughed weakly, though his joke didn’t lift my spirits. I dreaded meeting Adonis. And I couldn’t believe my mother had sprung this on me without warning. It was cruel beyond comprehension.
“Don’t laugh,” Phantom said, stepping closer until we almost touched. I was trapped between him and the wall. “I’m serious. I’ll get rid of him.”
“That’s kind of you ,” I said, shaking my head with a faint smile at his joke. “But, no. I have to somehow… Somehow get out of this. On my own.”
“So you don’t want to marry this guy?” he asked, his voice low and insistent.
I took a deep breath and relaxed my palms. They were chilled with cold sweat.
“No. Of course not. I don’t even know him, and even if I did… I’d never agree to this. They probably only chose him because our genes match or whatever. My mother wants to breed me into a superior race or something. It’s sick.”
Phantom pulled away from me, his face losing its grotesque skull grin completely for the first time since I met him. I stared, unsettled by the sudden change. A skull wearing a severe expression was a thousand times creepier than a grinning one, but then, this was Phantom. He didn’t creep me out.