Page 12 of Guarded By the Phantom

I already hated him, I realized. Maybe a younger me would have fallen for it if a man was brought in and introduced as my Prince Charming, but I was an adult now and disillusioned enough to smell bullshit.

I had eyes, too. I knew my father came home very late and left early each morning to avoid my mother and me. My parentshad separate bedrooms, separate friends, separate everything. The only time they stood together and showed any affection was when cameras pointed at them.

“Perfectly engineered bullshit,” I muttered, wiping my tears roughly. “So perfect on paper, weren’t you? Dynasties! Well, Mother. Should I breed with a Shire just to give you a heart attack?”

I got up and started pacing, my face wet and burning, my body itching with the need toact.I had to do something. I had to somehow reclaim myself before it was too late.

It wasn’t only that I felt so violated after the attack. My need to do something brutal, something mine, stemmed from other places, too. Years of being denied the things I wanted, of being forced to obey without question.

Obedience was supposed to protect me. It was supposed to make me happy. And yet, even though I always did my best to be the perfect daughter, I ended uphere.

The light pink nightshirt I’d put on for bed swished around my thighs as I paced, the silk soft and thin, the feel of it soothing and invigorating at the same time. I remembered my moans from the video, grimacing at the memory.

I remembered how unfair it felt. How cruel. To be denied that sensuality in private even as it went public.

“Or maybe I should just fuck one,” I murmured, throwing open the white French doors leading onto my balcony.

There. It felt like a brutal enough rebellion. I was always presented as innocent and pure, so what better way to smash that image than fucking some commoner, to use my mother’s word?

My body thrummed, my chest burning with anger… and yet. I stopped, gripping the cold marble balustrade, and thought about what I’d even do. There was no one I could call and invite over,and besides, the guards wouldn’t let them in. We were on high alert since the video.

What then? Should I sneak out? Go to some club and… and what? Dance? Buy someone a drink? What was the protocol?

The itching under my skin grew stronger, anxiety churning in my belly. My lifetime of conditioning took over, which it always did whenever I had a thought out of line.

Think about your father’s career, Barbara. He’s working so hard to make the world a better place. You don’t want to destroy that, do you?

It was like the buzzing of a mosquito, so insistent, it felt like it was drilling a hole right through my brain. Only, unlike a real mosquito, I couldn’t slap it away. It was inside me.

That’s right,the voice continued smugly.It’s just a tantrum. You’re leading such a privileged life, you don’t know what true hardship is, so you make up problems for yourself. It will pass. Look at everything you have. Be grateful.

I snorted, looking out at the perfectly coiffed garden with unseeing eyes.Grateful.Maybe I should be.

When one of my ballet school friends my mother had approved to visit came over, she gushed about the garden, telling me that if she had one like this, she’d stroll in it every morning and be perfectly happy for the rest of her life.

Yet I loathed this garden. It was so symmetrical, so perfectly trimmed, every tree, bush, and flower fitting the design. Just like my genetic makeup had been preplanned and preapproved, even before my parents got to the business of making me, this garden was allowed to be one thing only—just like me.

Only, just like in the garden, nature found a way to scorn human plans. We had squirrels now, and no matter how often my mother scolded the gardeners for not chasing them out, they stayed, bringing in an element of chaos into the perfect space.

As for me, nature found a way to mess up human plans by giving me the undesirable pair of chromosomes. Instead of being born a boy, the perfect heir to inherit the cumulative wealth and power of the two families, I was a girl. What a tragedy.

“It’s like they are still stuck in the Renaissance they are so proud of,” I muttered, glaring at a rhomb-shaped patch of flowers silvered by the moonlight. “And women are worthless.”

A cool wind slid over my naked arms, making me shiver. The flowers grew dark, clouds obscuring the moon, and the banister was cold and wet with evening dew. I felt exhausted in a way that was bone-deep, my weariness settling deep in my soul.

The fire inside my chest burned away, and now, I had nothing, only resignation.

Who was I kidding? I wouldn’t do anything. I was terrified of the real world, because I was never allowed to participate in it. I didn’t even know how to get to a club without my driver, and I’d have to plan and research to find out, but… The fire was gone.

What was the point? It wasn’t like I wanted to pick up some sweaty stranger just to stick it to my mother. I’d hurt myself more than I did her.

Besides, the mind controller was still at large. He could attack me any time.

Movement by a tall oak caught my eye, and I squinted, trying to make out what it was. Definitely too big to be a squirrel. I leaned forward, my heart beating faster. That shape was large and proportional, hiding in the dark, yet revealing hints of what it was.

Not an animal.

Cool wind whispered in the trees, and the shadows moved again, oozing pure blackness into the shady space under the tree. I had half a mind to call for someone, but it would be pointless. The staff were far away, retired to their wing, and I was alone in this part of the house.

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