Page 50 of Toxic

"Yeah, you told me that, but what's with these miscarriages? Can you explain?"

Soren rested his head on my chest again.

"When I was with him, after I turned eighteen, something started to change in me. I had these waves of fever, and I started to produce slick. I thought I was a late-blooming omega, but the doctor didn’t confirm it. A couple of months later, I had this strange episode, and they diagnosed it as a mini-heat."

I widened my eyes.

"A mini-heat? I’ve never heard that term before."

"Even up to 30% of betas experience very mild versions of normal heat, feeling only slightly increased arousal for a few days. And about 5-10% have much stronger, but very short ones, like me. Most of them can't get pregnant, but I’m part of the few percent—within those few percent—who can. The only problem is, I can't carry the pregnancy to term because my glands aren’t active enough—they’re standard for betas. They don't produce the necessary hormones, and my uterus doesn’t grow—it’s too small, beta-typical, underdeveloped."

I stared at him, wide-eyed. "So, if you knew this, why didn’t you use protection?"

Soren scoffed in irritation. "The first time it happened, I had no idea I could even get pregnant. I mean, come on, I’m still a beta. I don’t produce allure pheromones, present as a beta, and my hormonal profile is typical of betas." He shrugged slightly.

I put my hand on the back of his head, stroking it gently as he continued, "But I was still happy to hear about the possibility of having a child, and so was Anton, but it didn’t last long—just two and a half months later—I miscarried."

"I’m sorry," I said softly.

Soren shrugged one more time. "After talking with the doctor, we decided that if I ever got pregnant again, I should try artificial hormones to help the pregnancy. I read it can work in many cases, so I stayed hopeful and optimistic. We didn’t try for the baby on purpose, but it’s just… these mini-heats I have only last a few hours. They are very unpredictable. Unlike omegas, who can calculate it based on hormone levels, for me, it’s a sudden spike. So if I had sex even a few days before, there was still a chance of fertilization, even if we used rubber during the heat itself. Sperm can live for up to seven days. When it happened one year later, I tried the artificial hormones, but… it still didn’t work, and I miscarried the second time. I went through some consultations, and the doctors told me my uterus wasn’t growing. There wasn’t much they could do, and then I gave up hope of having kids. I promised myself to be cautious and rigorously use condoms."

"You didn’t use hormonal contraception?"

Soren raised his face and looked at me with a dejected grimace.

"It’s useless in my case. Betas' endocrine systems are often unpredictable. My body has a high resistance to artificial hormones, just like with the hormones meant to support pregnancy, it didn't respond as it should. I felt bad after taking them, I even fainted. And before you ask about other forms of contraception, like intrauterine devices, I tried those too, but the uterus in betas has a very thin lining. It caused—"

"Okay, got it. Enough details. So, just condoms."

"Yes. They worked well most of the time. My heats come every few months. In the remaining years of my relationship with Anton, I managed to prevent pregnancy every time, except once when the condom broke. So, I had a total of three miscarriages."

I fell silent because I didn’t know what to say. We stood there awkwardly, and I still held him in my arms—our faces so close, our mouths just inches apart.

Soren resumed speaking slowly, his gaze now resting on my Adam’s apple.

"I stayed home for the third time. I hated being in the hospital, and they can't do anything about it anyway, so… it is what it is."

I took a deep breath. Now was the moment for that crucial question, the one I really didn’t want to ask, but I had to.

"But it’s not your ex-boyfriend’s child, right, Soren? You two broke up toward the end of sophomore year?"

Soren cursed quietly under his breath, suddenly pulling away from my embrace. He slowly walked over to the desk and sank into the chair, resting his head in his hands.

"Yeah. It’s not his."

The silence was agonizing. I had no idea what to say or do, but he started to speak.

"Since I broke up with Anton, I haven't looked for anyone else. Six months ago, halfway through the previous semester, I joined the Kingdom of Promises, and I still avoided alphas, but Don… I got on his radar. He just wouldn't leave me alone."

Immediately, hearing the name, my body stiffened. An unpleasant feeling clenched my stomach.

Soren continued, his head low.

"He pursued me for all those months, wouldn’t take no for an answer, even though I refused him every time. He was giving me money, a lot. Sometimes even $500, just for hanging around. Then one day, when I got a mini-heat, terrible luck happened. He was at some big mall and bought extra stuff, like mineral water packs and whatever. He wanted to bring it to me and came at the exact time my mini-heat had started. I didn’t know what to do. He begged me to let him fuck me, I refused, I asked himto leave, but I was in such a state that it was really hard to even speak coherently! I was writhing on the bed in pain, physically unable to kick him out of the room. So he took advantage of the situation. I begged him not to do it, but he grabbed me and didn’t listen. I even pleaded with him to at least use a protection, he did, but… his dick is small, the standard alpha condom had to just slip at some point, even if just a bit, and… I got pregnant."

Feeling a wave of anger I'd rarely felt before, I rushed to the door, stopping myself at the last moment just before pulling the handle. I wanted to run through the campus and find Don, to kill him, but when I turned to look at Soren, I just cursed loudly. I saw his watery eyes staring at me. He needed me more, here and now—and I needed to hear what he had to say.

Soren pressed his hands to his face.

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