Page 180 of Toxic

For the first time since the day he found me in the bathroom with slit wrists, he brought it up… The shock hit me like a slow-moving icy wave, and my body quivered. My hands clenched into fists as I fought the reaction, fought the bitterness.

I stared at him for a long moment. Yeah… From his perspective, it must’ve looked exactly like that. He sacrificed so much for me, waited for years, and I betrayed him, abandoned him.

"Tell me the truth, Soren. Why did you even agree to be with me this summer?" His question hung between us like a thin blade, cutting into my chest, my throat.

I was silent.

"Well? Say it, Soren! Tell the truth. Did you ever really feel anything for me? Did you ever genuinely want this to work? Or were you lying all along, just using me because I was convenient while you wrestled with whether to be with him or not? Was I just a shoulder to cry on? Someone to serve you food and do your laundry, wash your fucking dishes?"

I swallowed hard, feeling almost physically sick. Slowly, I sank to my knees and bowed my head.

"Yeah. I’m messed up, Liam. Ever since Anton left me, something inside me broke. I LET him break me. I’ve never been able to get over it, to trust again. I thought I could only be with a beta after that. It was my own mental trap, and I dragged you into it."

Liam squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Enough with the excuses, Soren. Everyone has excuses to justify the shitty things they do. Excuse after excuse, with zero responsibility, zero decency, zero consideration for anyone else… No moral standards, a fucking jungle law."

"Liam, I’m sorry. I know how empty that sounds, and I have nothing to justify myself beyond… that I just think—" And suddenly, wait a minute… I was ready!

Blinking, I stared at Liam and knew I could finally let it out!

The one, impossible thing.

My eyes widened, and my breath quickened as I primed myself to say it, to face it.

"I think Skye is my True Mate," I croaked out.

There was another moment of silence, different this time. Liam closed his eyes, then slowly opened them. The words I had spoken seemed to hang between us like a giant red exclamation mark.

But then he just snorted dismissively, as if I’d said something silly and inconsequential.

"Really? So that’s your excuse for all the messed-up stuff you’ve done? 'I couldn’t do the right thing because he’s my True Mate'? You think that’s gonna shut me up? Find a better, made-up excuse."

How strange. I finally found the courage to say the fucking impossibility out loud, and this time it wasn't me who denied it. Skye must’ve felt it every time when I twisted myself into mental gymnastics to avoid admitting what we were.

What a turn of events. I guess my karma has come back to bite me. I just laughed bitterly, still kneeling. "Yes, Liam. Yes! However impossible it sounds, it’s not made-up. From the first day I met him, I knew. On some level, I just knew. But I couldn’t let myself believe it because nothing miraculous ever happens in my screwed-up life. Nothing of that magnitude. By continuously denying that reality, I hurt myself, you, Skye—and the misery kept going, dragging everyone into the hellfire because I refused to accept the damn truth!"

Liam stayed quiet for a moment.

"Soren, it sounds like delusion, it really does. You’re all over the place."

I still laughed, struggling with the painful irony of it all. "I’m absolutely sure it’s true. Everything adds up. All the signs are there. Then, we even had the First Orgasm, with those fucking electric sparks—like freakin’ New Year’s fireworks!"

Liam slowly lowered his head, staring at his hands.

There was a long pause as he let it sink in.

All the tension left my body, and I slumped down, leaning against the wall next to him. We sat like that for a while, saying nothing at all.

Finally, he whispered, "Why didn't you tell me? Last time I asked—you denied it."

I scoffed. "Exactly this reason. I kept refusing to accept the truth. That’s where it all started. The essence of this whole mess. If I’d just admitted it from the beginning, back when I first met him and felt something I’d never felt before—not even with Anton—that pull, that connection, feeling his thoughts, his energy… things would’ve ended up differently. But I kept lying to myself and making it worse."

Liam studied my face in silence. I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling strangely relieved to be able to rant about it, to let it out.

"You know, there were even these small, silly things that gave it away right from the beginning. Even the first time I blew him and tasted his cum, it was sweet like whipped cream, and it just hit me because that's one of the signs, as they say. But I brushed it off, laughed at myself for even suspecting it. Then other things happened, one after another—the way I could feel him, my crazy libido I’d never experienced before, and many more. But it still wasn't enough for me. I even rejected the fucking First Orgasm!"

"But why? If you had so many signs?"

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