Page 165 of Toxic

After hearing what he said to Liam on the balcony, I regained some faith in us. When he basically admitted that he loved me, despite his better judgment, I decided to let time work its magic. Even though he never said it to my face, my patience kept me going.

For the past three weeks, I’ve done everything I could to take care of him. I’ve cooked all the meals, done the cleaning and laundry. It wasn’t an issue for me—I was used to it. Growing up with seven siblings, you learn how to fend for yourself. Soren, on the other hand, had a bit of a ‘prince’ attitude for now, accepting when someone else handled things for him. That’s what Liam used to do, from what I know, and it’s what I’ve been doing too.

Maybe it was his mental state—the depression—but he had been showing very little initiative. I went to the gym and joggedregularly, but he only swam twice a week. He wasn’t interested in walks or anything more active. He remained very passive and just went along with whatever I suggested.

The only time he showed initiative was at work. He was still in control as team leader, but the second he was in the car with me, that bossy energy faded, and he handed me the steering wheel in our relationship.

Soren stirred in his sleep. He muttered something that sounded like ‘sorry’. I gently stroked his pale cheek. A wave of tenderness washed over me as I saw the small, scared child inside him—forced to face his fears over and over again.

Suddenly, his eyes opened. His irises, with their dark graphite outer ring and silver interior, locked onto my face.

"How do you feel, baby?" I whispered, hesitant to use the endearment when it was just us.

He blinked slowly and looked up at the ceiling, swallowing hard.

"I don’t know… numb."

"You’re afraid to hope, aren’t you? You don’t want to feed it with your energy, only to be disappointed again."

He sighed softly, looking somewhat surprised that I’d read his thoughts so easily. "Yeah, exactly."

I kept gently stroking his cheek and neck. My fingers brushed the gland with my mark, and he let out a soft gasp.

"I’ll be with you, no matter what. I’ll take care of you."

He remained silent and continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Do you still love me, Skye?" he asked suddenly.

"You know I do, Soren. Despite everything that’s happened, that hasn’t changed."

"Why? I’m such a shitty person, with a shitty character. I’m just an ungrateful bitch. To everyone."

I thought for a moment before replying.

"I don’t think that’s true. You're very hard on yourself. Some people would just brush things off and move on without remorse or a troubled conscience, but you actually care. It kills you when you hurt people, it's not just for the show. And remember last semester? You spent so much time helping me with programming, even though you were then working late for DevApp, catching up, but you didn't finish the tutoring. You still made time to teach me, helped with my essays, and even worried if I had breakfast or caught a cold. I saw through you, I saw beneath the armor of one who was bitter and kept others at arm's length. I know, I can sense the real Soren, what you're like underneath. Deep down, before Anton broke you, you were…" I paused, feeling my voice crack. "You were… pure. You gave him everything and then some. Your innocence and natural kindness took a hit when he left, but I know at your core you're a damn good person. I wish I could have known you when that innocence was still a part of you. Before life's circumstances … tainted it. I would protect it and cherish."

Soren’s lips trembled, but he pressed them decisively together.

"That old Soren is dead, Skye. All that’s left are ruins and ashes."

"I don’t believe that," I said gently. "Sometimes I see him underneath. He's scared, but he really wants to be saved. To be healed."

For a moment, Soren didn’t answer, then I was shocked to see a single tear rolling down his cheek. "If anyone can do it, it’s you… You’re my last chance."

I leaned down and kissed him gently on the forehead. "I'll try, Soren. The only thing that could make me leave you is betrayal. Other than that, I'll be here, hoping that you'll allow yourself to open up and become the person you were before.

"I’d never cheat on you, Skye. I know how it sounds because I did cheat on Liam, so I guess you just have to take my word for it."

I winced. "Well, I’ll try. But I’m not Liam, I can’t share. Not you. I need you—whole."

"I’m the same. Loyalty is important to me, too."

A moment of silence passed between us.

"Do you want to talk about… the baby? Plans or anything?"

Soren shut his eyes tightly. "The baby… I don’t even call it that in my head. I’m denying its humanity, so I won’t get my hopes up. But if a miracle happens—" His breath hitched. "I’ll be the happiest person in the world. I have no family. This baby… it would be a miracle. I want him to survive so badly."

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