Page 134 of Toxic

He had to have read them a lot…

It was sweet in a way. I so clearly remembered those days filled with hurt, when there was no answer to my confessions, my inbox staying empty. But Skye… now he healed it all with this one statement. My heart mended along with his words, becoming whole again. Some warmth spread through my body, and I raised my hand and put it on his heart, almost as if I wanted him to share the healing power.

Then I whispered, my voice cracking, "Day four."

And Skye quoted, "Day four since I told you to leave. Skye, I feel like I’m dying. I can’t breathe, and I hate the emptiness you left me in. I have this T-shirt of yours that I found in your dorm room. When Liam isn't around, I smell it to remember your closeness. I don’t understand why you don’t respond. You loved me—you told me so—and I believed you, damn you! You made me believe, and now I’m so lost without you. Please, please forgive me. What I did was the biggest mistake of my life, and I’ll say it over and over. Please, give me a chance…"

I bit my lip so hard I nearly drew blood, my breath shaky.

"Day 28."

"Day 28 since I told you to leave. I hate my life, Skye. I sit in these company meetings, surrounded by people, and they’re like empty, two-dimensional cutouts. Irrelevant. I felt the same way after Anton left. You were the one who pulled me out of that flat, gray existence, into something vibrant and exciting. You fleshedme out. In your arms, I mattered. Nothing was scary. I want to feel that again. I can only exist with you around…"

"Day 40."

"There’s no email for day 40. It ends at 39."

"There is. A draft… I never sent it."

It was strange, I was whispering, yet he heard me all right.

"Let me see it, Soren."

Feeling like I was in a dream, I handed him my phone. Skye opened the mail and read the draft aloud.

"Day 40 since I told you to leave. Today I made a decision. I’m coming to find you. I’ll break down and ask Alvin for your address as I know he has it. I can’t—"

He looked up at me. "Why didn’t you?"

"I tried. I messaged Alvin, only to find out he’d blocked me. And that same night, I got food poisoning. Liam was there, helping me… I was weak, lying in bed, feeling like I was going to throw up my guts, but he took care of me." I cursed under my breath. "I gave up that day. I decided to give him a chance, and the next day I did. The draft email stayed in… drafts."

Skye, still holding his drink, looked down at it, then quickly knocked it back. When he glanced at me again, I saw the tears on his cheeks.

"Maybe I’ll never win you back. But I’ll never stop trying," he choked out, his voice breaking, then suddenly turned and walked away.

Feeling sick to my stomach, I went back to the dance floor, swaying like I was drunk, cursing myself for what my life had become. The feeling of entrapment returned with such force, like I was being hit by a waterfall, making me wobbly and unsteady. My eyes foolishly roamed over people, searching for him—the only star in my cloudy sky. The second I saw him coming back, I rushed over and practically snatched both glasses from his hands.

Something clicked in my mind—a small window opened. A chance for us to have what was forbidden.

Skye looked surprised as I downed the first glass in one gulp.

If only he knew, if only he understood… I was doing this to make it easier for him, to numb myself, to stop feeling this horrible ethical conflict. Just to turn myself into pure feeling, leaving behind reason and… my morality.

It was the only thing I could offer him: my fall.

So, I drank the second glass just as fast.

"More, more," I whimpered, burping. Skye took the empty glasses and headed back to the bar. He downed his own drink on the way, probably trying to forget too.

I stumbled back onto the dance floor, hoping the alcohol would kick in faster, and it was doing its job.

Dazed, I started moving to the beat, swimming in the music waves, even jumping and making weird, drunken noises… and suddenly, I felt someone’s hands wrap around my waist. I shoved the person away instantly and was shocked to see two alphas standing behind me.

I froze, recognizing them.

One was Alvin, and the other was Don!

Fuck.

---