I help Rosa up and we all continue down the path. It’s a long walk but once we reach safety, I feel more at ease. The rest of the village settles in, and I take Rosa to a small hut with Marisol and my grandfather.

“This is temporary,” I tell her. “My grandfather has connections in El Salvador. That’s where we plan on housing you and the boys until we get things sorted.”

Rosa shakes her head. “How are things going to get sorted out, Vinny? What if they kill you?”

It hurts to see the pain in Rosa’s eyes, but I can no longer shield her from the dark reality of the situation. “Rosa, ourpriority is raising these boys right. If it means you do it without me—”

“I don’t want to do it without you! We’re supposed to be a family, dammit!” Rosa cries.

I fold her into my arms, kissing her gently. “We are a family, which means I have to do whatever I need to do for you all to survive. If that means laying my life on the line, so be it.”

I draw in a shaky breath. “All my life, I keep searching for a reason to fight. I hate the violence and hustle. But I’m not living passively anymore. I have you. You’re my entire heart and lifeline. I hope you know how much you mean to me,” I finish.

Rosa wipes her eyes. I can’t let her see me cry. I need to be strong for my boys.

“Vinny,” my grandfather calls from outside. “It’s time.”

I kiss Rosa one last time, then give my boys a kiss on their heads. It’s like a dagger to my heart to walk away. But New York is calling me. It’s time to end this war.

CHAPTER 23

Rosa

Two weeks have gone by since Vinny left for New York and I haven’t been the same. I can’t eat or think straight. All I can imagine is Vinny being ganged up on, and killed. The life we started to build feels like a lie. Why did I think that I of all people could actually be happy? I dread waking up in the morning and being a mother is hard. I have two little boys to care for, but how can I when I feel like breaking with every passing moment?

Marisol is a force though. She helps with the boys and makes sure I eat. It’s not easy on her and there are days when I want to give up on everything.

“You need strength,mija,” Marisol tells me as she puts the boys down for a nap after they eat. I pumped for hours just so Marisol could take over feeding them. All of my energy is spent feeling anxious and angry.

“I’m tired of being strong,” I whisper. “I have no fight left.”

Marisol shakes her head. “That’s just the depression speaking. You are a force of a woman.”

I shake my head. “Then how’d I get kidnapped? Strong women don’t get kidnapped.”

“Of course, they do,” she says. “You have a family and you’re fighting for them. You can’t let what happened to you win.” I have nothing else to say so I lean back as the sunlight pours in through the window. Since the attack on the village, we’ve moved four times. This village is four hours away from the last. I have no idea when we’ll have to move again. The thought of it gives me a migraine. But Vinny leaving didn’t solve our problems. His father still has men out here looking for us. Once they learned about the boys being born, he’s been ever more determined to track us down. El Salvador was supposed to be our next destination, but even that’s not looking safe.

“Is this how we continue for the rest of our lives? Running?” I finally say.

Marisol sighs. “Not if Toni gets killed.”

“If he does,” I mutter. “He’s too powerful.”Marisol nods her head, letting the wind outside fill the silence. We both know it’s only a matter of time before things go from bad to worse.

“You can’t keep thinking about it,” Marisol adds softly. “You have to…let him go.”

I don’t realize I have tears in my eyes until they slip down my face. “Vinny is the only man I’ve ever loved.”

Marisol winces. “And his absence will hurt for a lifetime.”

“How do I move on from that?” I continue. “How does anyone?”

The most I know about Marisol is that her situation was similar to mine. Her ex-husband and boys all died because of gang violence. Now she cares for others. I don’t know how she does it. I don’t want my reality to turn out like hers.

Marisol reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “You have people around you who will help you. It’s how I survived the hardest years of my life.”

I want to believe her.

I spend the next day alone with the boys sleeping off their last bottle when I hear a car approaching. The houses here are thin and the roads narrow. Cars don’t typically come out here. I’m washing clothes when I hear the car and the engine being turned off. I stop in my tracks when I hear footsteps walk around the side of the house. All I have is a washing pail and a rock to beat out the dirt. Nothing prepares me to see Vinny’s father.