Page 55 of Not Your Hero

“I wasn’t smiling. I mean, I was, but it was just to mask the tears,” I tell him truthfully.

“Why were you crying?”

“Because my life is ugly, Gannix. There’s nothing good in it. There’s nothing to be happy about. I could fake it with the best of them, but deep down, I’ve not been happy for a long time.”

“Depression?” he asks, and I shrug.

“I guess something like that. When my mom died, I thought a piece of me died too, but why? She wasn’t a good mom. She didn’t want me, never had. It made no sense to me I’d feel that way.”

“You’re human, Em. You have feelings, and your mom was a big part of your life.”

“But was she? What did she do for me?”

“You might not like how she raised you, but you’re still you.”

“I could say the same about you,” I tell him, looking into his eyes. I see Gannix lick his lips before reaching over and cupping my cheek. He leans in and brushes his lips over mine, and I find myself melting into him. This is wrong. It’s so wrong, but why does it feel so right? He’s a murderer. He kills women. He wanted to kill me.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop,” he says before going back to kissing me. How can I stop that? How can I not think about the fact there are women out there dead because of what they saw?

I let him kiss me, though. In fact, I start kissing him back. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, and a moan escapes me. A low growl leaves his throat as he hooks his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me impossibly closer to him.

Gannix devours my mouth with his until we’re both panting. He finally breaks away and shifts to lie down, motioning for me to do the same. I lie down next to him, and he immediately pulls me closer to him.

“Gannix?”

“Hmm?”

“You can’t kiss me like that and then go to sleep,” I tell him. He laughs, and it’s so fucking perfect.

“You’re going to have to work with me here, Em. I let you see me tonight, but I don’t think I can fuck you without drugging you yet.”

“It doesn’t bother me, you know?”

“I know. I saw that, but it bothers me.”

“It shouldn’t. It wasn’t your fault,” I tell him softly.

“As much as I know that, I still can’t, baby. Just give me a little time, okay?”

“Okay, then drug me,” I tell him. He looks at me as if I’m insane, and maybe I am. I shouldn’t ask this man to fucking drug me. I shouldn’t be asking him for anything after what he’s done to me, but here I am asking anyway.

“What?”

“Drug me,” I say once more.

“No.”

“Why not? You said it yourself. Whatever I want, whenever I want, is here. And I want you.” His eyes darken as he stares into my eyes. I can see the way he’s looking at me, torn between doing it and not. In the end, his urges win.

He nods his head and climbs off the bed, walking into the bathroom as I lie in bed debating what I asked him to do. It’s drugs, for fucks sake.

Gannix walks back out of the bathroom with a syringe in his hand, and my hands begin to tremble. He’s never used a needle before, only drugged my drinks.

“That’s a needle,” I state the obvious.

“It’s the fastest way to deliver the drugs,” he explains as I nod my head. “Change your mind, Em.”

“No.”

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