Page 33 of Twister

Sadie’s face softened as she reached out and took his face between her hands. “Look at me, Twister,” she whispered jaggedly, her eyes glimmering with a fierce light. Slowly he responded to the pressure, feeling that all the anguish that was scarring his soul was right there for her to see. With infinite tenderness, she smoothed her hand along his jaw, her touch firm and comforting. “You never have to feel that you can’t be whoyou are in front of me, and those men love you, so they will support you any way they can. Don’t be afraid of trusting that.”

Memories flooded him, so many pushing in on his mind. BUD/S, where every team guy found his calling. All those thoughts and feelings, all that need to find challenges and beat them. All of that fell into place. He had met his people, found his place amongst them.

The memory of the surf zone torture came back to him in a rush. Water splashing around their already saturated boots, a kind of cold that sank into his very bones, slicing his skin like razor blades. As if the pounding surf, sharp wind, and the uncontrollable shivering wasn’t enough, they had to sit down in the water, each man’s arm linked with the next in a long chain. Waves pummeled the line, arms wrenched with fatigue as they fought to keep them linked. If the chain broke, they would have to endure more time in the ocean.

No one wanted to be that weak link, failing himself and all those men who were digging down deep to endure this latest test of will and mettle. Even with rip currents pulling at the center of the class and breakers pounding the ends, tearing at their ranks, hundreds of pounds of water smashing them to the abrasive bottom, water swirling around their heads, filling every orifice with salty grit, they hadn’t broken.

That’s what the brotherhood was—an unbroken chain, no matter the mission, no matter the circumstances, no matter the cost. Every single one of them would pay it for the good of the team and for whatever task had been assigned. He was responsible for the lives of his team, and the only way to survive was to trust them and in turn be trusted. They all had to think like a team, all the time. But the weight of his inability to control what was happening to him only made him try to stand taller, stand tougher, and deal with it so that it didn’t impact his brothers. His mindset was that he could overcome this givenenough time. Why open up doors when he didn’t need to walk through them just yet.

She took a hard breath and rubbed her cheek against his, her hand slipping to the back of his neck just as tenderly. It was clear from the way she touched him that she couldn’t get enough of it. He had to admit grudgingly, he couldn’t either. Again, there was that fear that if he allowed himself some slack, it would be harder and harder to build back the armor he needed. They were together here on deployment, but she had her career, and he had his. There was no guarantee that they would even be in each other’s orbit again.

If he gave into her, gave into this exquisite weakness, where would he be in a month? Two? Yet he was still experiencing panic attacks, and she was helping, so whatever he was thinking and feeling with her, it was tied to the reason he couldn’t shake them. When she took over during both panic attacks, he had begun to realize that with her, with his loss of control, he could truly trust her. She didn’t hesitate, didn’t belittle him, and didn’t embarrass him. In fact, she had only supported him in those moments of sheer terror. His chest got tight. He was safe with her.

That was worth repeating.He was safe with her.If only he could accept it.

“Let’s look at it this way,” she said softly, giving him another lingering kiss. “We saw each other losing it, so that makes us even.” She smiled, and damned if she didn’t charm the pants off him.

He smiled back, but it faded when Tex’s voice came through his earpiece. “Twister?”

He straightened and said, “LT?”

“We’re getting to the dock. If you're done with yourtoilette, could you grace us with your presence?” Did Tex guess what he’d been doing down here? Of course, he did. His CO was no fool.

“Yes, sir,” he responded, then looked at Sadie. “As much as I want to keep talking to you about this, I’m being summoned.” He swallowed, then his voice hoarse from the unbearable strain, he whispered her name as he enfolded her in a crushing embrace, his arms like vises around her as he pressed his face into the curve of her neck. Hauling in a ragged breath, he found her mouth, covering it with a soft groan, and he was rewarded with her sweet response. Cursing the circumstances that kept him from fully engaging with Sadie, he let her go, ushering her to the door and stepping through.

It was time to go back to work.

Back to what they were here to do. Protect the salvage operation and the divers. In his mind, there was no honor in quitting, giving in, failing. They were only as strong as their weakest team member, and he was determined he wouldn’t break that fucking chain, ever.

Dagger glancedover at Twister for the umpteenth time. His buddy was restless and moody. It had been several days since that first dive, and Dagger was feeling the same way. His calls to Quinn had gone unanswered, unreturned, and he was ready to chew glass, desperate to find out how she and the boys were doing, whether she’d bent enough to get the help she sorely needed.

Sliding into a very pissed place, he knew her silence was compromising his attention to the mission. She had to know it was affecting him, and maybe she was getting some satisfaction out of it, some subtle revenge. Or she was just reacting without malice, trying with everything she had to work out her feelings,be there for her kids, and move on with her life—apparently without him being a big part of it.

But he was a part of it both by blood and by marriage, regardless of the fact that his brother was dead.

Brian was always straightforward and didn’t mince words. It was still a shock when he just came out and asked Dagger to help, to father the children he and Quinn so desperately wanted. Brian didn’t want to adopt. His request had blindsided Dagger. He said that Dagger was part of his bloodline, and that satisfied both him and his wife. When he had confessed that Dagger was the only man alive he would trust with this situation, Dagger had to consider his own feelings on the matter. He’d been speechless, absorbing the magnitude of Brian’s seemingly simple request. His main concern was how Quinn felt about it. Brian confidently told him that Quinn was the one who had conceived the idea.

That was another slam dunk to his mind, upending him completely. Brian realized that he was struggling with the concept and told him to take his time before he made his decision. He couldn’t sleep that night, thinking how he would feel, knowing she was carrying his child, knowing that part of him was responsible for creating a life…with her. It had nearly killed him, but over time, gradually, he stopped considering his own feelings and switched to Quinn’s, and the possibility of being able to give her a child eased that awful hole in his chest. This would be a way that he could validate what he felt for her, his chance to give her something no other man could. That’s when everything changed, and the thought of his child growing inside of her gave him the kind of peace he needed.

She had come to base to see him after that restless and sleepless night. When he’d been told he had a visitor at the gate, and he’d gone there puzzled, all the blood drained from him when he’d seen it was her. That amazing hair of hers was a cloud of wild curls around her head, and she’d worn a cornflower bluedress, highlighting her slim figure, the color contrasting with her brown, glowing skin. She’d drawn him over to a shady area, and with tears in her eyes, told him how much she wanted a baby and why. If he hadn’t already made up his mind, he would have buckled under the desperate longing in her eyes, and it would have been an irrevocable decision. With emotion cramping his throat, he told her he’d be honored to do it.

Then there was the experience itself, and the small room where everything he felt for her spilled out in that donation. He hadn’t been able to face either of them or the upcoming procedure. With his head messed up after leaving the clinic, he’d asked for two weeks leave and went to Oil Nut Bay, a secluded Caribbean beachfront villa located on the British Virgin Islands, where he reconciled his feelings in solitude, admitting to himself, just briefly, that his feelings for Quinn were strong and needed to be pushed to a place he couldn’t visit.

He had thought that would be the end of it, then Brian had died, and she blamed the team, and specifically him, for allowing it to happen. It was ludicrous, absolutely unreasonable, to think they—he—would have stood by while it happened. He was just as devastated at the shock of Brian’s loss, something none of them saw coming, but grief did terrible things to people.

Ten months after her procedure, Ezra and Elijah were born. Two for the price of one, and he was elated, not only for the new life, but for the fact he wouldn’t have to perform the same function. He wasn’t sure he would have been up for it. They were a miracle and a Godsend, giving him someplace to put all the emotions he had been carrying around inside him. He would gladly give his life for any of them, and their existence somehow made everything right. Through a conscious decision, he’d never thought of them as his. They would always be Quinn’s sons. Always.

Gifts were meant to be given away, and Ezra and Elijah would always be his nephews. His feelings were buried, and he’d never taken them out and examined them again, resigned to leaving that particular loneliness, that particular pain deep-sixed. He took comfort in knowing that he’d given her the two children she had wanted so much, and he was almost content with that.

Twister lived up to his name as he flipped back onto his side, obviously not focusing on the book he was supposed to be “reading.” Dagger looked over to Bondo and murmured, “Have mercy on him, Master Chief. You know what he’s going through.”

Easy nodded enthusiastically, and Shark said, “Amen to that.”

Bondo made a wry face, his eyes flicking to Twister and back to Dagger. Everyone, including Tex knew why it had taken him so long to “get cleaned up.” The tension between him and Sadie was as thick as hell. The same kind of tension that had flowed between Tex and Nora, Bondo and Cameron, Easy and Astraea, and Shark and Maddy. It was unmistakable. Even unattached guys like him understood the pull of a new relationship, no matter when or how it was happening. Sex was intoxicating, and with big, young men in their prime, it was hard to keep that particular urge under wraps.

Bondo cleared his throat and said, “Twister.” When he looked up from the book, he was a million miles away. Dagger knew it was more than Sadie tying him up in knots. Panic attacks. Fuck, that was concerning. Dagger had seen the way he’d looked up close in that torpedo tube. Hopefully, after this deployment, they would get some much-needed leave. He even contemplated suggesting Oil Nut Bay to Twister. Maybe some sand, water, and sun would help. As the door closed behindthem, Dagger dialed Quinn one last time and was shocked as hell when she popped up on his screen.

“Dagger. What is it you want?”

---