Page 27 of Twister

“Get cleaned up. We’ll want to go over your gear.”

She nodded, knowing that they wouldn’t find anything, but it was probable that she would lose comms in the enclosed sub. She wasn’t worried about any repercussions.

It was clear from the master chief’s look that he wasn’t pleased with the way David had interrogated her. She had anexemplaryrecord. She had beenrequestedfor this dive and had been enthusiastically recommended for it by her previous CO. She was strong, capable, and skilled. So, she had a small lapse. It wouldn’t happen again.

She had her record to fall back on, and she didn’t feel a bit of guilt for using her skills and this dive to get resolution for her family.

The master chief touched David’s arm and inclined his head. She tried to contain her sense of vindication as they moved away from her and started what turned into a heated discussion. David was dismissed, giving her a disgusted and menacing look. The four of them prepared to remove their gear, check it over, clean it, and lay it out to dry.

The moment she was done with hers, she automatically moved to Neil’s and did the same routine. She was used to doingthis, mostly because she had wanted into the boys’ club. He and Dagger had headed to the showers, but Twister had lingered.

She wasn’t sure she was prepared to face him. He watched her, and when Neil came back up, she immediately headed down to the showers. Dagger was finishing up when she came inside.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she murmured as he pulled a T-shirt over his head. He smiled and said, “No problem.” He started toward the door, then stopped. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

A lump formed in her throat, but she blustered her way through it. “Of course. Routine.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“I can tell you’re a damn good diver and a consummate professional, Sadie, if I may use your first name.”

She nodded. “Of course.”

“But everyone, and I mean everyone, has things to deal with, and after what you did for Twister, that makes you part of our family.” Her heart lurched, and she got a twist in her heart that Twister had confided in his teammate. “Two things you should know about our community. One, no one messes with our team members…no one, and you can one hundred percent depend on each of us to be there at your back all the time.”

Damn these SEALs. All of them had that way of looking right through you as if they could read every nuance, every lie. She swallowed and worked at keeping everything neutral. There was only one man she would ever consider sharing what had happened down there, and although she appreciated everything Dagger said, Twister would want answers, and she wasn’t going to lie to him. She couldn’t. He would know, and that would damage their trust, and even though she loved her great-grandmother and her grandmother, this man was important as hell. She couldn’t shake that feeling, no matter how much she tried.

Okay, she hadn’t tried that hard.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. Believe me, I’ve been on hundreds of dives when comms failed. Nothing to panic about.” He nodded and left, and she sagged against the wall.

Then the strangest thing happened, the image of that flooded crew compartment materialized in her mind into something real and tangible. She saw the explosion in her mind’s eye, and all those men cried out in terror as the sub violently shook, and everyone screamed as they plummeted, some holding onto the bunks. That scene filled her mind until she could barely breathe.

Their horrified expressions, their terror-filled eyes, tightening and widening as the water started to rush into the compromised door… She covered her face with both hands, her heart beating hard. They had to know they were going to drown, and in that moment, the fear had taken hold. Tears pressed against her eyes. She knew what she conjured up in her mind had to be ten times worse. Overwhelmed by a mixture of sharp regret and unbearable sadness, the feelings of all those men rushed over her. Fear, sadness, pain, love, pride, and loss.

She heard a sound, then a strong male hand cupped the back of her neck as Twister murmured something, running his hand down her back. Her heart and mind struggling with her sorrow and horror, Sadie turned into his arms, certain she was simply going to fly apart. He was dressed only in his skin shorts, the thin material leaving nothing to the imagination as every part of his lower body was outlined in knee-melting muscular relief. The feel of his warm skin nearly upended her completely.

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“Hey,”he whispered softly. “Hey.” His low, coaxing voice drew her. Holding on to her with one arm, he closed the door, set the lock, and wrapped her up in a tight, enveloping embrace. This room was lined with four showers and was private. No one would come down here and bother them.

His fingers tangling in her wet hair, he clasped her head against him as he brushed her forehead with a soft kiss. “Tell me what happened down there, babe.”

Sadie tried to speak, but her throat was so thick, she just couldn’t. Haunted by that one wrenching image, she had a hard time focusing on anything. But she wasn’t going to let him down. She took hard, aching breaths and cleared her throat.

What had she been doing all this time? Had she been waiting for this? All that emptiness, that hole inside her filled to brimming. It made her think about all her previous relationships and how giving of herself widened that hole inside. She had been the dutiful daughter, and over the years of that servitude, she had resented most of it. Now she was the dutiful sailor, still after all these years feeling the need to clean dirty wetsuits to fit into a club she was already a master in. This whole thing withher great-grandfather and Twister pushed her emotions to the surface—scary emotions she had repressed easily before but now were much harder.

She was beginning to see that she had true needs and emotions instead of being dominated by matching an image of what others needed. How much had she suppressed or denied about herself? How was this emotional reactivity hurting her? These thoughts were painful, even humiliating. She was beginning to think that her strategies were just desperate attempts to get people to love her. Exhausting herself over and over again, dismissing her needs. Was that nothing but pride in being irreplaceable unique? She had abandoned herself to focus on others because that was all she had ever known.

Now, here she was, confused as to who she was because after spending so much of her life trying to be what others wanted her to be, she had morphed so many times, she’d lost her true form. All of that was so ugly and negative, she immediately shied away from it and focused instead on Twister.

This man deserved her trust, a man who had an effortless way of filling this vast emptiness inside her with vibrant feeling. She lifted her head and met his eyes. A tear trailed down her cheek, and Twister’s gaze twisted with tenderness, making her heart ache for all the times she’d been alone without any comfort whatsoever. She was so grateful for the simple comfort he offered, to feel safe and secure, and suddenly to find that being alone wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, regardless of her reasoning. She had to wonder now if it was nothing but fear or her need to give and give and give until she was so fucking empty.

He cupped her face in his big, strong hands, and she breathed in the scent of man, ocean, and neoprene. His eyes captured hers. So soft. So comforting. So real.

Closing her eyes, she let that terrible vision go as his hands held her. “I was supposed to take leave after my duty at MDSU-1, before I went onto my next billet. But Warrant Officer Jason Chisholm specifically requested me for the dive. I have a hard time saying no, but I was on the verge of doing just that…because I needed a break, but when he told me the submarine I was asked to help salvage was theKittiwake—” She opened her eyes. “My great-grandfather was the radioman on that sub, and my great-grandmother and my grandmother have been waiting seventy-nine years to find out what happened to him. When I found that bone…” Her voice closed down.

Tightening his hold, he turned with her, folding her even tighter in his strength and warmth, and Sadie clung to him.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispered, his voice husky. “Take your time.”

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