Page 46 of Read Between the Stars

I feel a hot flash followed by a cold one, and even though everything around me has begun to blur, I see Dan’s head snap up, looking at me in what can only be a fraction of the shock I feel.

“Ben,” his voice is low, stern, and no-nonsense. “Get out. Now.”

He jumps in and starts shouting orders to the rest of the staff.

“Sats are dropping, so is BP. Get that crash cart in here and an intubation tray. Dr. Isaak…” his tone turns to a warning as I look down at my unrecognizable wife. Her soft features are bloated with her light brown hair is matted with blood on one side of her face. I can’t see her brown eyes because they are nothing but slits with all the swelling.

“Jamie,” her name comes out on a weak breath and I feel bile trying to rise in my throat but I tamp it down, and then all of a sudden, I snap out of it. I have to save my wife.

“Ben, get out of here!”

“I’m good, Dan,” I try to assure him and go back to trying to do my job like I’ve never done it before. “Let’s get more pressers in here!” I shout out to anyone before looking back down at Jamie. “Jamie, it’s me. Stay with me, honey.”

“Ben!”

“I said I’m good!”

“Dr. Isaak, get the fuck out of here!” Dan yells, clearly no longer pulling any punches. “Ben, you know how this works!”

“I’m staying!”

“Get that intubation tray in here and call security to get Dr. Isaak out of here!”

Dan’s not my friend right now; he’s Dr. Cruz, and he’s taking over because doctors can’t treat loved ones. I know that as well as anyone, and I’d be doing the same thing if the tables were turned.

Two guards that I’ve known forever come in and try to talk me out of the room, and when that doesn’t work, it’s quickly followed by physical tactics. The fear and adrenaline coursing through me feel powerful enough to demolish a battleship, but in reality I’m no match for the both of them as they body block me and drive me out into the hall where they continue to hold me back.

“Call the code!” I hear someone yell, and from where I’m barred I can only catch glimpses of Jamie. Her left hand lies lifeless at her side, adorned with her wedding ring and the watch I got her for Christmas. Her white Converse are bloodied and so are her favorite pair of jeans. There’s a rip in the knee that was already there as part of the style, but there’s a new one down the outside of her shin where more blood seeps out. Someone needs to clean that and it needs at least six stitches, maybe staples.

The parts of her body I can see start to jerk rhythmically with the movements of Dan doing CPR and I start to struggle. I push against the guards, no matter how futile I know it is, and I scream Jamie’s name but no sound comes out. The good news is, it’s all about to end. This is the part where I always wake up. The edges of my vision are turning black. Any minute now…

Why am I still here?

All of a sudden, the guards are gone. I look from side to side, trying to make sense of what’s happening now. When my glance lands to the right, Jamie is standing in the hallway. She’s in the same outfit I saw her in on the gurney, but the blood is gone and her face is back to normal.

This has never happened before, this is new…

The ambulance doors open behind her, and she turns away to watch as another team of medics push a gurney through. They take a left and I see that on the stretcher is Luna, exactly as she was the day she almost drowned. Kasey is hurrying beside her as the medics hang a left and on the other side… is me. Kasey, Luna, nor I, have any clue that we’re being watched by Jamie and myself.

When the exact scene from that day is done replaying and we’re out of sight, Jamie turns back to me with a look on her face I would have never expected. She’s beaming. Her smile looks like she’s bursting with pride and she’s overjoyed.

Why? What… what does this mean?

I try to ask, but no sound comes out, and then the world around me turns bright white.

With a flash and a jolt, I’m awake. Alone in bed, I jerk upright, frantically looking around the dark room as I reconcile myself with the time and place. My heart pounds in my ears while I try to catch my breath.

When everything slows down and I come back to reality, I flop back on the pillows. Sleep’s not going to return anytime soon, so I allow myself to dissect what just happened.

I’ve had that dream so many times, although it’s just a torturous replay of the events of the day Jamie died, really. In the beginning, it was so frequent that I’d avoid sleep altogether. As time went on, the dream came less and less, and for the last year, I haven’t had it more than twice a month.

What doesn’t change is the dream itself. It’s always the same, every single time… until tonight. I want to know why, after five years of the same damn dream, it was different tonight. Why now?

Why would it change tonight? Why was Jamie smiling at me with Kasey and Luna?

Kasey.

Her glittery blue eyes looking up at me as I danced with her; her sashaying across the gym when she comes to pick up Luna; the way she hesitantly put her soft hand in mine after so bravely telling me her truths.

---