Page 44 of Read Between the Stars

As I getout of my car at the community center, my phone rings, displaying my brother’s name on the screen.

“Hey,” I say absently, reaching in for my bag on the passenger seat and pulling it up on my shoulder.

“Hey, this a bad time?” he asks.

“No, I’ve got a minute. I’m just about to head into a meeting.”

“Meeting? Are you okay?”

Shit.

“I found out yesterday that Evan plays ball for Chicago. I saw him on SportsCenter,” I rush the words out on one breath as I pinch the bridge of my nose. My revelation is met by a stretch of silence, followed by Matt’s inevitable expletives.

“You’re fucking shitting me!” he barks into the phone.

“I know, I wish I was, but there it is, and as you can imagine, it’s thrown my emotional stability into a tailspin and I don’t know what the hell else to do but go to thirty meetings a week and sweat bullets at the gym.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry Kase. I hate this for you. Are you alright? Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t know… no,” I finally decide. “I just need to process and do something to get myself to a better place so I can deal with the stress better.”

“Well listen, one of the reasons I was calling is to see if we can take Luna for the weekend,” he responds. “We’re headed to the UK in a few weeks for the Wireless festival, and Melanie thought maybe Luna could come stay with us at the lake for a couple of days before we go and she can try to get some swim lessons in with her.”

As much as I want to dote on my kid right now and show her she’s the most important thing in my universe, and that no matter how hard I’m struggling with what to do with her ass-face sperm donor, I’m wondering if a couple days to clear my head might be the ticket. Some time where I don’t have to focus so hard on holding it together in front of her and figure out whether to try one more time with Evan, or just take the last ten years as a sign and let it go.

“Okay,” I agree on a heavy exhale.

“And you don’t need to bring her here, we’ll come get her. We can pick her up from practice tomorrow and bring her back on Sunday.”

I don’t even have any appointments on Saturday, giving me the time I haven’t had to sort through things. And I’ll have tonight to spoil my girl.

“Okay, you got a deal. See you tomorrow,” I tell my brother.

I hang up with him, but before heading in, I open the text I got from Ben earlier, just to see it again.

Thinking of you.

Hope you’re having a good day.

That was sweet of him. Thoughtful. No mixed messages to decode, no guessing games that I don’t have time for. Just some sweet words that mean nothing more than what they say, yet mean so much.

I don’t have anything to say at this meeting as I was just at one last night, and the only thing that’s changed is I had sex with an unavailable man when I got home.

Yeah, not ready to share that tidbit with a bunch of strangers.

So instead, I listen to Trisha, another woman my age range that I’ve seen a time or two at these meetings. She looks well, I notice. Clear eyes, head held high, and an air of confidence as she speaks. Whatever she’s been doing has clearly been working for her. She retells her story that I’ve heard only once before of how she grew up in an abusive home and moved out as soon as she could and turned to alcohol to cope with the demons of her past, paired with the two shitty waitressing jobs she had to work to support herself, and just as I’m wondering how she’s doing so well these days, she offers it up.

“And one thing I wanted to share, that I can’t recommend enough, is ice baths,” she informs us all, her face completely lit up.

Okay, that sounds horrible. No thanks.

A lot of people in the circle shift in their seats, sitting forward or turning in her direction, confusion painted all over their faces.

“I know it sounds crazy and extreme, but seriously, there are a lot of mental health benefits from taking a five to ten minute dip in ice water a few times a week,” she holds her hands out matter-of-factly before folding them back in her lap. “It’s made an amazing difference for me,” she finishes in conclusion.

Wow.

How the hell can putting yourself through the pain and terror of immersing yourself in frigid water make one overcome their stress and depression? It sounds like torturing yourself would just make things worse to me. Yet Trisha looks so at ease and peaceful. The joke’s clearly on me, and I can’t help but walk up and question her after the meeting.

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