Page 37 of Where You Are

“Okay. I’ve got our movie that we probably won’t watch cued up,” he winks as I walk towards Luna’s room that’s decked out in a Disney Princess theme with a focus on pinks, purples and yellows. I lay the bag on the Elsa and Anna bedspread and rejoin my man in the living room, where pizza, a movie, and strong manly cuddles await me.

* * *

“So, have you thought any more about coming out on the tour? At least for a visit?” Matt asks as he lazily plays with my hair. The next tour is five weeks away, in October. Pretty soon they’re going to be busy with photoshoots for merchandise, as well as daily rehearsals and sound checks. Matt has brought up the idea of me going along, or at the very least meeting him and the band at a couple of stops to spend time with him. Of course that would mean coming out to my family and the world as a couple, but we’re reaching the point of that being inevitable anyway.

It would be a major sign of how deep this thing between us is, and recognizing that it’s more than just temporary. What surprises me is I’m not as nervous about the idea as I thought I’d be. It’s scary, sure, but I think I’m almost ready to jump completely in and officially be part of each other’s lives.

“Yeah,” I draw the word out thoughtfully, staring blankly at the TV without actually absorbing anything.

“Yeah?” He cocks his head back and looks at me with hooded eyes and a lazy smile. It’s a contented expression, yet I can see volumes of happiness swimming in those blue eyes.

“Yeah,” I banter back with the same warm and laid-back tone, “although I kind of like how Mayzie holds off for a couple weeks before joining Jack, and I may follow her lead on that one.” Matt nods quietly as I continue, seeming to be on board. “I could fly out and meet you wherever you are, then stay with you for a stop or two and see how it goes?” I suggest, looking at him hopefully. I don’t want him to think I don’t want to be with him, but I also don’t want to commit to trapping us on a bus together while he runs his ass off between shows, appearances and other commitments.

“I think that sounds good baby,” he grumbles sexily, the way he does when he’s relaxed and content. “I can’t wait.” He threads his hand completely in my hair and pulls me toward him so he can engulf me in warm, full kiss that conveys any leftover feelings his words didn’t say.

I’m just settling into that place in a kiss where you know it’s leading somewhere else when Matt’s phone buzzes on the side table. Without removing his arm from around me, he reaches for it.

“Hey Kase,” he answers casually, as I continue to follow the movie. Only a few seconds tick by before I feel him stiffen against me.

“Whoa, wait. Slow down, Kase. Breathe…” he urges into the phone. “Calm down…”

I sit up and turn towards him, taking in his worried expression. He’s staring into space with his brow furrowed as he listens to his sister. I don’t know what to do, but I reach over and gently knead his shoulder, trying to help in the most miniscule of ways by letting him know I’m here, even though I have no idea what’s going on.

“Of course you can bring her here,” he responds, probably referring to Luna. “Kasey, are you okay?” His question has a demanding but nurturing tone. “Okay,” he says, his eyebrows only slightly relaxing. “Just drive carefully. Bring Luna to me and we’ll talk okay?” He’s very firm but still reassuring in his instructions before he hangs up. He sets the phone down and rubs his eyes, something I’ve learned he does when he’s frustrated. I don’t ask. I give him a minute to take a breath and collect his thoughts before he offers it up.

“Kasey had a slip up,” he tells me, dropping his hand and looking at me. “Pills.”

I feel my mouth drop open and I resume rubbing his shoulder.

“Is she alright?” I ask tenderly.

“She’s okay, I think, but it’s really got her freaked out. She took two and immediately regretted it, but it was too late and they took effect. She was safe at home, Luna was asleep, but she still feels like shit about it. And the thing is, if her sponsor or the court find out about it, she could lose Luna again. She’s terrified.”

“Oh my God Matt,” I say, my compassion showing in my voice, “is there anything we can do?” I offer, trying to be helpful and looking for any kind of silver lining for him to grab on to.

“Well, she knows of someone that runs a detox center that has a 72-hour program that Kasey can go and take part in, off the record. I’m hoping she’ll fill me in more on it when she gets here. She’s on her way.”

“So you’ll have Luna here for a few days?” I ask, even though it’s what I gathered from his end of the call.

“Yeah. If Kasey is going to do that detox, she’s got to be there tonight.”

“Should I take off?” I offer, not wanting to be in the way of family matters.

“No,” he looks at me with eyebrows raised, almost looking hopeful. “Luna’s crazy about you. It will be a good distraction for her having you here. Obviously, she still doesn’t understand everything…” he trails off.

“Does she know anything about her mom struggling with this?”

“Not a lot. Kasey’s only slipped up that one other time since the rehab stint. That time she thankfully recovered quickly. The rehab stint really put things in perspective, so when she messed up, she focused hard on not wanting to lose Luna again and she pulled through quickly.”

“Is this what she did last time? That clinic she’s going to now?”

“It was something a lot like it,” he says, nodding at me, still looking nervous as hell for his sister. “The thing is, when you have this disease, you can’t expect to stay clean every single day for the rest of your life. Those that do are the exception to the rule. Most don’t realize that it’s very natural for people with addiction to have relapses. It’s part of the whole thing,” he explains with a note of passion laying deep down in the current of his words. I nod, encouraging him to keep going. “Kasey’s been fucking tough though. This is her second slip in five years and… I just know she’s going to kick its ass to the curb like she did the last one. Luna means too much to her.”

“I believe it,” I assure him as I lean forward and wrap my arms around him. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes tightly. I can feel appreciation and need in his hug as he burrows his face in my hair.

We hold each other for a few beats before the doorbell rings. We both rise off the couch and Matt heads for the door while I stay where I am, and put a gentle, reassuring smile on my face when Luna walks in, followed by a nervous looking Kasey, who I can tell is trying to breathe and act somewhat normally for her daughter’s benefit. It seems to be working seeing as how Luna bounces on her toes with a megawatt smile up at Matt.

“Hi Uncle Matt! We’re going to have a sleepover!” she says excitedly, and my heart warms at how happy and loved she obviously is, despite her mother’s inner struggles. I mentally tip my hat to Kasey.

---