Page 55 of Still Her

Emilee shakes her head and looks from us to the nurse with her barely-there eyebrows slightly raised in question.

“They’re from the band, Turn it Up,” the nurse explains gently. “Have you heard of them?” Emilee nods, some color coming to her pallid cheeks. “Is it okay if they visit you? I told them how much you love listening to music.” Dyan then nods her head to the MP3 player laying on Emilee’s bedside table before turning to us. “I’m not sure if she has any of your songs,” she says. I’m not surprised. Our music is a little hard for young girls’ tastes, but it doesn’t matter. We’re here to give these kids a fun evening however they want. I give Emilee a little wave as we step further into the room.

“What do you think? Maybe they can sing you a song?” Dyan gently prods, and Emilee gives a nod, smiling as Dyan lounges back with her elbow resting on the bed next to her like they’re girlfriends. Emilee clearly seems comfortable with her as she leans in to whisper something into her ear.

I find a place to stand that’s a safe distance from the shy girl. “Hi Emilee, I’m Jack,” I say, and then proceed to introduce the rest of the guys. “What kind of music do you like?” I ask.

Emilee curls into her nurse and presses her lips together. Dyan, who was clearly not joking about her shyness, looks up at us. “She has a lot of Ed Sheeran, a little bit of the boy bands, some Elle Goulding…” she trails off, looking down at Emilee affectionately.

“We’ll play whatever you want, Emilee. What will it be?” I try to give her an encouraging smile, but she twists towards Dyan again and whispers. When she leans away, Dyan looks up at us with a quirky smile.

“She’d like to hear the song Ed did with the Biebs…” she begins, and Josh steps over to hand his guitar case to me. “And she’d likehimto sing it.”

Josh freezes and drops his jaw when he sees that both the nurse and Emilee are looking directly at him. The rest of us look at him with incredulous grins as he composes himself, pulling the surprise off his face and replacing it with the most adoring smile I’ve ever seen him give anyone.

“Sure,” he answers, sounding just as shy as Emilee as he ambles his way over to a nearby chair and sits down to take his guitar out. Once it’s tuned, he gives her a nervous smile that she returns and he starts strumming out the tune. When you’ve been playing for as long as we have, you can pretty much pick up any song by ear, whether you’ve played it before or not. “I don’t know all the words so you’ll have to help me, okay?” he says gently to Emilee, who nods, looking a little braver.

Josh starts singing the opening lines of the song, about being at a party he doesn’t want to be at, occasionally pausing and raising his eyebrows at her to cue her to help him with the lyrics, which she does, although you can barely hear it. She seems to feel a little more comfortable with just one of us, and she, the nurse and Josh look settled in and perfectly happy, so the rest of us quietly excuse ourselves from the room. We head back to the common room to find the pre-teen boys and see if any of them want their asses kicked at Guitar Hero.

* * *

Mayzie and I finish out our night by walking around the city that seems already decked out for the holidays. All the lights on buildings and trees make for a romantic setting, and I feel like our visit to the hospital filled our tanks so much that we’re both able to fully enjoy being in this atmosphere together. Our bodyguards are still shadowing us, but giving us a respectable distance. Occasionally, a passerby will look up as we pass and a hint of recognition will cross their face, but for the most part, we’re being left alone. We walk late into the night, laughing and not caring about the sleep we’re missing. The thing of it is, I doubt either of us could sleep tonight anyway, but we don’t bring that up. It’s like we have a silent agreement to act as if everything is already progressing past tomorrow night, as we talk lightly about future plans, not afraid to do so like we were before.

I can see that a lot of strength and confidence has come back to Mayzie, and our excursion tonight showed us both that there are so many bigger things in this world, making certain assholes seem small and insignificant. I’m still scared shitless, but stepping back to look at the bigger picture certainly has helped me to pull my shit together.

As Mayzie and I find ourselves in front of the wondrous tree at Rockefeller Center, I think I fall a few more leagues for her. She’s taking in the glory of the sight in front of us while I take in her expression. Her eyes seem to be harboring an entire world of different emotions as they reflect the reds and golds of the lights that have captured her gaze. I see wonder, delight, affirmation, and when she turns to me, love and a little mischief join in as her lips curl up in a warm and contented smile; just for me.

No words are necessary as I lean down and take her in a kiss that I mean to be sweet at first, but quickly becomes intensely passionate and consuming as our lips meld and play off each other, and my tongue sneaks out to take a quick taste of hers.

I don’t know how long we stay there, going between talking, looking at the tree, and making out like teenagers, but it’s not until I see her eyes getting heavy that we call for the SUV to head back to the hotel.

24

Mayzie

Well…someone was nearby, apparently, to witness what Jack and I thought was a romantic moment alone, because this morning, there is a group text on both of our phones from Chris. It includes an attachment from CelebCraze, a celebrity website, with a photo of us making out by the Rockefeller tree, as well as Chris’s words:Get a room! Oh, wait… you have one. USE IT!!

On one hand, sure I feel intruded upon, but it comes with the life. And on the other hand, I’m thinkingSuck on that Eli.

No.

I’m not thinking of him today. Not until I absolutely have to.

And lucky for me, it’s a busy day full of distractions. After accompanying the guys to another one of their morning show appearances where I watch their interview and performance on a TV in the dressing room, we find a place for lunch that opens their VIP dining room to us before the guys have a signing at Tower Records. After that, we’re taken back to the hotel for some R&R before they are supposed to go to the Up All Night taping.

And that’s when the nerves kick in. Back in our room, Jack and I still don’t talk about it, which may be unhealthy, but it seems to help. Mostly. While he showers, I sit cross-legged in front of one of the floor to ceiling windows in the main room. Keeping my back straight and my hands resting on my knees, I gaze out at the skyline, drawing in slow breaths through my nose and holding them, before equally slowly letting them out through my mouth. It’s all I can do to keep the anxiety at bay.

My ears register the sound of Jack getting out of the shower, and I give myself one more sequence of breathing before putting my brave face back on and joining him in the bedroom. I flop on the bed as he combs his damp hair and dresses in his ripped jeans and black Henley. I don’t make any move to get ready for the evening, and I won’t until he’s gone.

I watch from my spot on the bed as Jack shrugs into his jacket. I crawl to the edge of the mattress that’s closest to him as he turns to me.

“Well off I go to the ‘Up All Night Show’ recording,” he says cynically, using finger quotes before dropping his arms at his sides. He doesn’t like leaving before things go down; he wants to be in the same building when I go up to the Penthouse of Doom. But he’ll be back right after I go in, and while I don’t tell him this, it’s better that he won’t be around to see me get ready. It will be nerve-racking for me, but I know the process will churn his emotions little by little until he’s ready to explode. Like when I had Shane teach me self-defense moves, I worry that it will make things all the more real, leading his imagination to take the wheel which would be an absolute disaster.

Deciding to keep up with our façade that this isn’t really happening, I take this moment to pounce. I jump off the bed and onto him, giving him no choice but to catch me. Heoofsand then recovers, chuckling, and holding me so that I’m just slightly higher than his eye level.

“Have fun at the show,” I tease, widening my eyes. “Give Dan Coleman my best.”

“Right, right,” he nods with a half smirk, playing along. He sets me down but doesn’t let go. Instead he looks down, stroking my cheek with his thumb for a minute. “Back soon,” he assures me and I nod as he cups my chin and gives me a kiss before turning to head out of the bedroom.

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